#192 Your desired identity

ByLukas
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Who you are and what you do consistently always coincide. After all, your repeated actions create your identity.

But who you want to be and what you consistently do don’t usually coincide. Otherwise, you would already have become who you want to be.

You want to be a writer, but you’re not consistently writing? Writing consistently will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

You want to be a guitar player, but you’re not consistently playing the guitar? Practicing daily will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

Could you make your actions coincide with your desired identity?

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  • #209 Self-improvement gap and a pressure trap

    ByLukas

    Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

    But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

    Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

    When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

    And so the pressure mounts.

    Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

    Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

    Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

    —

    To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

    Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

    Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

    Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

    —

    Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

    Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

    Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

    Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

  • #433 Feel it until it fades

    ByLukas

    You feel excitement. Happiness. Anger. Sadness.

    But you are not your excitement or happiness.

    Because if you allow yourself to cling to the emotions you desire, you’ll have not choice but to identify with undesirable ones, like anger and sadness, too.

    Thus, you feel excitement – until it fades.

    You feel happiness – until it fades.

    You feel anger – until it fades.

    You feel sadness – until it fades.

    No matter which emotion rises, feel it until it fades. You’re going to be fine either way.

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    #23 For all the languages I’ve learned

    ByLukas

    For all the languages I’ve learned
    trying in vain to put the inner and outer world into words
    closely but not completely capturing the essence
    I now realize the biggest insights reveal themselves
    where words are worthless and feelings reign
    where they are felt and lived, embodied,
    refusing to be rationalized, categorized
    or undergo the violent limitations of our words.

    Maybe language learning is more about admitting that some languages are lived, not learned.

    That some insights are felt, not expressed.

    That sometimes words create distance from what we experience deep down, instead of offering the clarity we seek.

    Accepting that may well be the biggest challenge of all.

    There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.

    Rumi
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    #97 Not loneliness. Solitude.

    ByLukas

    All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone

    Blaise Pascal, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/19682-all-of-humanity-s-problems-stem-from-man-s-inability-to-sit

    We often equate sitting quietly in a room alone with loneliness: a word with a negative emotional charge.

    But sitting quietly in a room can also bring solitude: the simple state of being by yourself, without any negative connotation.

    Solitude can give relief of the pressure to be constantly “socializing” (through social media apps or in real life).

    Relief of the pressure to socialize can make space.

    Space you can use to hear the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your body.

    Thoughts and feelings that can tell you what’s truly important to you.

    And then you realize that what’s truly important to you is nothing new.

    It’s something you already knew, before you learned not to listen.

  • |

    #294 The true purpose of goals

    ByLukas

    Goals make you write every day and enjoy the process, even if you’ll never publish a book.

    Goals make you practice yoga and get to know your body, even if you’ll never be able to be in that ultimate pose.

    Goals makes you help someone and learn to give and contribute, even if your help ultimately doesn’t get them to the place they wanted to go.

    Goals don’t predict outcomes. Because the purpose of a goal is not to achieve it, but to set the direction of your life.

    It gives you the fuel to start taking action, and the guidance to make sure that action is intentional.

    I don’t know about you, my friend, but to me, that’s a fulfilling thought.

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