You can’t reach great successes without exposing yourself to spectacular failure.
You can’t feel amazing without exposing yourself to a downfall.
You can’t feel great love without exposing yourself to a broken heart.
You can’t explore the world without exposing yourself to getting lost.
And what’s more: you won’t be able to fully appreciate the good things in life without having been exposed to the challenging things.
The most important habit milestone is the center of gravity shift.
Initially, when you start building a new skill, your center of gravity lies with your old identity. You’re constantly fighting the pull of your old identity. And if you’d stop for even a day, you’ll get pulled right back into your old habits.
“If I don’t write today, what does that say about me? I’ve always given up in the past, and with this habit, it’ll be the same.”
The center of gravity shift happens when you’re about to miss a day and realize:
“It doesn’t matter, tomorrow I’ll start again anyway.”
When you’ve cast so many votes for your “identity of perseverance” you know that missing one day doesn’t equal giving up anymore.
When not writing for a day has become the exception, and when it happens, I get pulled right back into my writing habit.
Before the shift happens, when you’re still building self-trust, discipline is key.
But after your center of gravity has shifted to align with what you want to do anyway… you’re free.
Here’s a useful insight from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/june-4-2020
Writing every day reaffirms my “I’m a writer” identity.
Sitting on the couch every day reaffirms my “I’m a couch potato” identity.
As a consequence: when you change your actions and your identity starts shifting to align with those actions.
And that’s how we get out of a rut.
(The opposite isn’t always true: changing your thoughts without changing your actions will rarely shift your identity. I can think of being a writer as much as I want, if I never put any words on paper, I’m not a writer. That’s one of the principle of cognitive dissonance: Actions overrule Thoughts.)
Here’s how to change your actions and your identity:
Which begs the question…
Where are you saying you want to be a certain way, but you’re voting for something else through your daily actions?
Lukas Van Vyve
Put your money (or your actions) where your mouth is.
When writing, the most hurtful words enter your head when no words leave your pen.
A blank page is a mirror of our own insecurities, frightening, judgmental…
I found the only way to get through is meeting myself where I am.
Inspired, afraid, angry, frustrated, fearful of poor work, poor words, or no words at all…
This is where the journey starts.
The moment I accept that, I am free again.
This is why I love Stream-Of-Consciousness writing. Whatever state I am in, I transfer the stream of thoughts, the inner dialogue to the page, and see where the flow takes me.
Here’s what I’ve learned: it always takes me somewhere.
And that’s enough to get started.
Because a blank page is also a promise of all my creative potential, waiting to materialize.
And when the words finally emerge
everything flows
and my self-trust grows.
Don’t wait for the storm to pass.
Write in the rain.
You can be a writer with spelling mistakes.
A language learning expert who is afraid of speaking a foreign language.
A psychologist who doesn’t always feel good.
A teacher who doesn’t have all the answers.
You can be anything.
And you’ll always be human.
Overgeneralization: I failed to stick to a new habit once, so I’ll always give up.
Undergeneralization: Even though I’ve been writing consistently for months, I’m still expecting the day I’ll finally give up again.
Both are manifestations of self-sabotage and perpetuations of a negative self-image.
The only way out: don’t focus on habits, focus on Tiny Trust Builders.
Let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.
Let your actions overrule your thoughts.
Let your actions change your identity.
One day at a time.
