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    #159 What unintentional living looks like

    Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
    2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
    3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
    4. Habits shape your identity.

    “Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

    Intentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
    2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
    3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
    4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

    “While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

    You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.

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    #76 Build Discipline by Starting Small

    The trick to building discipline: stick to your projects more often than you quit, so your actions start overruling self-defeating thoughts.

    So how make sure you stick to more of your projects and habits

    Make them feasible. Start small.

    Write a couple of sentences in your journal every day.

    Write short articles.

    Walk for 5 minutes.

    Do 2 minutes of breathing exercises.

    In the long run, you’ll probably have to build up volume and intensity. But first, start small. Build trust of completion. Become disciplined.

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    #226 Making all the selves get along

    “Is this really important right now?” I ask myself, as another distraction passes through my head.

    I imagine an old wise man, disturbed from his task at hand, looking up.

    “No? Can you come back later then, at a more appropriate time? Thank you very much.”

    Back to work he goes.


    “Is this really a life-threatening event?” I ask myself, as another anxiety-inducing thought intrudes my mind.

    I imagine the same old wise man, fending off a harassing distraction.

    “No? Can you come back with a message more appropriate to the severity of the event? Thank you very much.”

    On with life he goes.


    If only it were that easy, my friend.

    The distracted, anxious, worried mind tends to fight back. I’m taking the liberty to assume you’ve also noticed that at some point in your life.

    Nevertheless, I believe we can, nay, we must fight back.

    Not that I’m advocating suppression.

    Excited, worried, sanguine, anxious, passionate, defeated: let them have their moment of attention – at the appropriate time.

    Maybe it’s all about the art of making all the selves get along?


    I imagine the old wise man, who has mastered that art.

    I know I’m not that old wise man yet.

    But I could be, if I make it a point to practice every day.

    And so could you, if you make it a point to practice every day.

    If that’s something that’s important to you, of course. That’s for you to decide, in your personal situation and in your personal life.

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    #75 2 Questions to Ask Before Starting a Project

    Habits are hard to build. But there’s one that’s easy to get used to: starting a new project, then giving up.

    Sometimes it’s better not to start at all, so you avoid reinforcing a quitter’s identity: I’ve given up so many times in the past, I’ll probaby give up again.

    So how do you know which projects are worth starting?

    Ask yourself the following questions:

    1. Is this something I really want? Something that’s good for me AND feasible in the short/medium/long term? (Trust of Intention)
    2. Am I prepared to go through a phase where the sole purpose is building a habit without caring about improving or marking much progress? (Trust of Completion)

    If the answer to both questions is yes, you’re onto something.

    If not, you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

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