To become you want to be (but aren’t yet) you have to start doing what you want to do (but aren’t doing yet).
Who do you want to be?
Which actions would that person take?
The questions are simple. But the path is erratic.
And that’s okay.
As long as you ask them once in a while, you’re well on your way.
Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.
But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.
Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.
When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.
And so the pressure mounts.
Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.
Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.
Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.
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To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).
Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.
Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.
Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.
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Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.
Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.
Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.
Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.
Once upon a time, I consciously chose to brush my teeth every day, until brushing my teeth became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT brushing my teeth.
Once upon a time, during a pandemic, we consciously chose to wear face masks, until wearing face masks became the new default. Then the conscious choice we had to make was NOT wearing the face mask anymore.
Once upon a time, I consciously chose to write every day, until writing became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT writing.
Where else could I use a new default?
Choice inflection.
People can think you’re not good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.
You can think you’re not good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.
You can think you’ll never be good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.
Because whether you’re good at something or not is nowhere nearly as relevant as how fulfilled it makes you feel.
When it comes to habits, the missing piece of the puzzle is often the very first one.
Even more often, it’s not even opening the box to see what’s inside.
Because looking at the picture on the box is safer, easier, and sometimes just the best option.
But it’s not fulfilling.
And if it’s not fulfilling, what’s it all about?
The dice has been cast.
The decision has been made.
Now is not the time to negotiate.
What you spend your time on.
Who you spend your time with.
Who you listen to.
What you listen to.
Never forget, you get to choose.
