#282 You can write every day

Every promise to yourself is a contract in invisible ink.

Jo Franco on the Not Your Average Jo podcast. I recommend you listen to this episode

But it’s not because it’s hidden from view that it doesn’t carry any weight.

Every broken contract with yourself goes on the pile of self-distrust.

So don’t overextend. Don’t make promises to yourself that you can’t keep anyway.

Start with a tiny contract with yourself. Then stick to the terms.

Build trust every day through Tiny Trust Builders.

Remember that the contract is made, so now is not the time to negotiate.

Retrace the letters of that invisible contract every single day.

Then, one day, the invisible ink is tattooed on your mind, and you’ve forged an unbreakable bond between your words and actions.

All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

A daily insight from Tony Robbins:

Wherever focus goes, energy flows.

Tony Robbins, https://www.tonyrobbins.com/career-business/where-focus-goes-energy-flows/

We’re always ignoring and highlighting parts of our experience to make sense of the world – and it determines the way we feel.

To feel bad, you (temporarily) have to ignore all the events and things you consider positive.

To feel good, you (temporarily) have to ignore events and circumstances that can be challenging.

It all depends on context.

Sometimes, just to function, it’s necessary to ignore.

Sometimes you’re better off highlighting a bit more.

The big challenge: most of the time, we’re not aware of where our focus goes – so we let old habits and patterns decide how we feel – even if they don’t serve us at all.

Here’s an exercise I found useful: Tomorrow, focus on something that’s important for you once an hour (a post-it on your desk or a reminder on your phone can be useful). That way, it remains top of mind (and your energy will flow toward it).

Every hour, also take a moment to become aware of what you’re deleting from your experience, and what you’re highlighting.

• What am I trying to do today?
• What am I trying to do right now?
• What’s important to me?
• What do I want to focus on… what do I intentionally ignore?