Habit-building isn’t about striving for “the perfect day.”
It’s about making sure that even on the imperfect day when nothing goes your way, you still do enough things that fulfill you.
It’s about making the hard things easier.
And it’s about stacking the deck in your favor and making it inevitable to do things that align with who you want to be.
Day 20 of my daily publishing experiment. What I’ve learned (or remembered) so far:
In short, a pattern I’ve observed many time in the past years is playing out again:
When I start defying my own excuses by taking action, no matter how small, my self-trust grows, my self-image shifts, and I become more of the person I want to be.
Which begs the question:
Where else am I frustrated, holding on to a static identity of the past that I could prove wrong by taking action?
Most of your daily actions are guided by unconscious patterns and habits. But since actions overrule thoughts, even unconscious actions contribute to how you see yourself.
The more conscious actions you take, the more of a say you get in who you are (or want to be).
I choose to do ………… because I choose to be someone who …………
I choose not to do ………… because I choose to perpetuate my identity of ………….
Today marks day 400 of the Daily Insight newsletter – which calls for a longer post and a question for you.
Let’s start with three lessons I learned from publishing daily.
I wasn’t inspired every day in the past 400 days – but many days I was.
And I wouldn’t have had the inspiring days without the uninspired days.
Maybe writing when you’re not inspired is the whole point.
Because showing up for the bad moments makes it possible to be there for the good moments, too.
In the past, I just couldn’t get myself to write, not even if I really wanted to.
Now, I just write.
Doing something new always goes against your current beliefs and always comes with resistance – otherwise, you would already be doing it.
But seeing how tiny daily actions can normalize a behavior that in the past seemed unattainable was incredibly empowering.
You don’t have to be ready to get started. You get started to become ready.
For the longest time, I felt like I always gave up on things that were important to me. I just couldn’t persevere.
So, I chose to start writing daily. But I could’ve also decided to run every day. Or knit.
In the end, the activity itself doesn’t matter. You can choose any desire you feel resistance towards…
And start using it as a symbol of your defiance against your limiting beliefs.
In its essence, such “Tiny Trust Builder” actions, as I came to call them, are symbolic.
Pick one. Attach meaning to it. Use it to prove to yourself that your aspirations are not just pipe dreams. And see how your life changes.
Maybe it didn’t have to take 400 days to prove to myself that I could write every day – or maybe it did.
Either way, I did it. And now the question arises: what’s next?
To answer that question, I need your help.
Why are you subscribed to this newsletter? What do you get out of it?
Could I do anything to make the newsletter more interesting to you?
Let me know by replying to this email so we can shape the next 400 newsletters together.
Thanks for being along for the journey!
“Is this really important right now?” I ask myself, as another distraction passes through my head.
I imagine an old wise man, disturbed from his task at hand, looking up.
“No? Can you come back later then, at a more appropriate time? Thank you very much.”
Back to work he goes.
“Is this really a life-threatening event?” I ask myself, as another anxiety-inducing thought intrudes my mind.
I imagine the same old wise man, fending off a harassing distraction.
“No? Can you come back with a message more appropriate to the severity of the event? Thank you very much.”
On with life he goes.
If only it were that easy, my friend.
The distracted, anxious, worried mind tends to fight back. I’m taking the liberty to assume you’ve also noticed that at some point in your life.
Nevertheless, I believe we can, nay, we must fight back.
Not that I’m advocating suppression.
Excited, worried, sanguine, anxious, passionate, defeated: let them have their moment of attention – at the appropriate time.
Maybe it’s all about the art of making all the selves get along?
I imagine the old wise man, who has mastered that art.
I know I’m not that old wise man yet.
But I could be, if I make it a point to practice every day.
And so could you, if you make it a point to practice every day.
If that’s something that’s important to you, of course. That’s for you to decide, in your personal situation and in your personal life.
Wisdom doesn’t come from experience. It comes from reflecting on experience.
— Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) December 11, 2022
Between ages 25 and 75, the correlation between age and wisdom is zero.
Gaining insight and perspective is not about the number of years you've lived. It's about the number of lessons you've learned. pic.twitter.com/8wbKsCMkED
Memory isn’t an objective account of the past – and that’s not its purpose either.
Memory stores the lessons we extract from life experience. And to do so, it modifies, adds, subtracts, highlights, and hides.
Hot soup burns my tongue – next time, I’ll remember the pain, but not if it was tomato soup or chicken soup. And I’ll remember to wait a couple of minutes before having the first spoon.
Experience lived. Irrelevant info deleted. Lesson learned. Memory created.
My country gets invaded – and that causes so much pain, I won’t just deliver an objective account of what happened: I’ll make sure to tell everyone who the evil guys are too.
Experience lived. Story modified. Lesson learned. Memory created.
I eat the most delicious dessert at a Mexico City restaurant – that’s the memory I’m going to tell my friends about, not which glass of dessert wine I had with it.
Experience lived. Dessert highlighted. Lesson learned. Memory created.
You’re going to make memories anyway. Which lessons do you want to learn?
Go slow.
Go steady.
Do whatever it takes.
But don’t wait to go until you feel ready.
