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    #203 What makes your aspirations valuable

    An aspiring writer who doesn’t believe writing is a valuable skill in our current society and focuses on building a traditional career instead.

    An aspiring runner who doesn’t believe running is a good use of their time in our current society and goes out for drinks every night.

    An aspiring classical musician who doesn’t believe society will ever appreciate their art – and goes into pop music instead.


    If you want to turn aspirations into achievements, you’ll have to decide for yourself what’s valuable, even if it goes against what society and tradition prescribe.

    So to make writing a valuable skill, write.

    To make running a good use of your time, run.

    To make the world appreciate your classical music, practice classical music.

    To make anything worthwhile, show that it’s worth your while.

    Because going against the mainstream is not just necessary to achieve your aspirations – it’s what makes your aspirations valuable in the first place.

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    #140 I don’t have to be good at this today.

    Trying to become good fast makes you impatient. And impatience may well stop you from ever becoming good in the first place.

    Because the only way to become good is by understanding that in today’s practice session, you likely won’t be perfect anyway.

    That you likely won’t write your most insightful words.

    That you likely won’t run an all-time best.

    That you’ll likely spend a large part of your yoga session stumbling and losing balance.

    When you go into your practice session with that mindset…

    Suddenly it makes sense to focus hard on getting that one sentence right.

    Now it makes sense to focus on rhythmic breathing while running instead of pushing for a better time.

    Now it makes sense to focus on a tiny part of your body during an entire yoga session to train your awareness instead of trying to chase poses because “they look professional.”

    Even if there is not much time to “become good,” it still makes sense to assume there is time.

    Because that gives you the freedom to focus on the small adjustments that prepare you for when the time comes, and you truly need to perform.

    Since I’m always practicing anyway, I don’t have to be good at this today.

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    #15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

    What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

    To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

    The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

    How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

    1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
    2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
      1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
      2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
      3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”
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    #25 Pre-emptive disqualification

    In the series of self-sabotaging behavior I’ve observed in myself and others: “pre-emptively disqualifying yourself”.

    Before you even start, you’re depriving yourself already of any potential benefit of the exercise because you don’t know if you’ll get the EXACT benefit promised/desired by you.

    “This exercise might have cured your neck pain, but I’ve always had neck problems, it won’t chage anything.”

    “You might be able to write every day, but for me, in my situation, that would never be possible.”

    This shows a lack of understanding of learning principles. Because with any exercise, program, diet, methodology, you’ll never get the exact same results as someone else, because you can never replicate the exact circumstances and actions of a person.

    Instead, you do the exercise/program/diet/… within the framework of your own personal context/skills/past experience. Within that context, it will guide your learning process. But the outcome resulting from it is personal.

    Variance is to be expected, and this is a good thing. Because this is how innovation happens: actions in different types of circumstances lead to slightly different results. Sometime that leads to disappointment, sometimes to real breakthroughs.

    Getting different results, then, is not a reason to pre-emptively disqualify yourself, or to claim something doesn’t work. Because the true value doesn’t lie in getting the exact same results as someone else, but rather, to consciously set the general direction of our lives.

    Every day, we have to make so many decisions that lead us down different future paths, so modeling someone and using their actions as a guiding principle will greatly increase the probability of you going in the direction you desire, and getting results in the same ballpark.

    For example, I’ve been doing Dylan Werner’s yoga classes on Alo Moves (my go-to online yoga/fitness/meditation app) consistently for almost two years now. Even if I continue to follow his exact schedule for two more years, chances are, I still might not be able to do something like this:

    After all, we have a different body structure, different gene disposition, different circumstances, and I’ll have to adapt his schedule to my personal capacity.

    Still, if I follow his schedule I’ll definitely become much stronger and healthier than if I chose to model a couch potato, watch TV and eat fries and burgers all day. And that’s what it’s all about.

    Modeling, in that point of view, are an effective way to accelerate your progress and lead your life in the direction you want, without you having to know exactly which results you’ll get.

    In other words: when you let go of the need to predict exact future outcomes, you can stop pre-emptively disqualifying yourself, and start pro-actively setting the direction of your life.

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