Why do you love writing, despite the fact that the act of writing is often a drag?
Why do you love running, despite the fact that the act of going for a run is often a chore?
Why do you love learning languages, despite the fact that the act of practicing is often riddled with frustration?
Why do you love it so much?
And wouldn’t it feel good to remind yourself of that love every day… so you make sure the love is there to stay?
After writing over 300 daily blog posts (and journaling for 926 days), here’s my main takeaway:
Once you decide you’re responsible for writing that daily sentence, learning that language, doing that workout…
Once you decide you’re responsible for making it happen, no matter the circumstances or external events (travel, sickness, emergencies,…)
That’s when you’ll notice that there are very few excuses that truly stop you from making it happen.
And that’s when you have the opportunity to become who you’ve always wanted to be.
You can wait to start writing until that moment when the frustration builds up so much that not writing becomes unbearable.
But why wait for the pain if you could just write today?
After all, you’re not waiting to become a writer. You’re already a writer. You’re just not writing. Yet.
And all of that can change in one moment of deciding not to wait, but to write.
There’s no need to get rid of excuses or resistance, because there’s no need to listen to the excuses and the resistance in the first place.
They only have power when you give them power.
And the less power you give them, the easier life becomes.
So make up the excuses, then move forward anyway..
Feel the resistance, then move forward anyway.
When you write every day, you’ll start believing you can write every day.
When you run every day, you’ll start believing you can run every day.
Therefore, you don’t need to believe in your capabilities before taking action.
First, you act. Then your beliefs react.
All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.
So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.
In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.
Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.
Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.
Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).
Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.
If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?
Or even better than just asking: journal about it.
You don’t have to change or improve who you are.
But you could develop new parts of your character without dismissing the existing parts.
They’re not the same thing.
