Write, not for the words flowing on the page, but for how writing makes you feel.
Run, not for the personal records, but for how running makes you feel.
Help out friends, not for expecting them to return the favor, but for how helping out friends makes you feel.
Do the right thing, not for any outer reward, but an inner feeling of aligning with who you want to be.
My sense of fulfillment comes from taking daily actions that are aligned with a personal philosophy and a purpose I intentionally determine.
As life unfolds, my purpose can change. My values can change. I can feel over the moon, dreadful, and everything in between.
My daily actions can change (and they certainly won’t always be aligned with my personal philosophy).
But the fulfillment formula always stays the same.
Are the majority of my daily actions in alignment with my purpose, values, and the identity I want to forge?
A consequence of this formula: Without clear purpose, without consciously choosing values or designing a personal philosophy, without knowing what you stand for and who you choose to be, it’s hard to feel fulfilled.
In short: intentional, aligned, disciplined living and identity building helps to feel fulfilled.
The other day you asked about my favorite words.
But what I really want to write about is my favorite questions.
Because as much as words can spark imagination, questions are what steer the mind – to good places or bad.
Consider this one:
“Why do I always give up when I start a new habit?“
This presupposes that I always give up and will ask my brain to come up with reasons (and excuses) to justify and perpetuate that behavior.
And off I go, finding excuses for behavior, thus perpetuation.
“Look at all the reasons I found for behaving this way. I may not like it, but I guess this is who I am.”
Why would you send your mind there… If you could also ask yourself a question like:
“What would it feel like if I were already writing and publishing every day?”
How would I feel about myself…
How would I look at myself?
What would I say, what would I create… How would I act?
Which obstacles would I have conquered?
Which excuses would have become irrelevant, making me shake my head, saying to myself, “How did I ever let that stop me?”
And just like that, with my imagination set free
internal resistance melting away
off I go
finally becoming who I’ve always wanted to be.
P.S: If you MUST ask the “Why do I always…” questions, at least use them to justify and perpetuate positive behavior.
Why do I always wake up and immediately write three pages stream of consciousness?
P.P.S.: Alright then, one more question to think (or journal) about:
Where am I perpetuating a situation or habit I say I don’t want but I secretly cling to because it feels comfortable and has become part of my identity?
My journey to overcoming self-doubt as a writer:
In short: write and publish to overcome the fear of writing and publishing. Yes, it can be as simple as that.
Even if you don’t write today, you’ll still be okay.
And knowing that, now you know you’re not forced to write, now the pressure gone, you might as well write something anyway.
You don’t have to feel certain to start taking action.
You take action to start feeling certain.
You don’t need to be calm to do yoga.
You do yoga to become calm.
You don’t need to have a quiet mind to meditate.
You meditate to cultivate a quiet mind.
You don’t have to speak Spanish fluently to have a conversation in Spanish.
You have a conversation in Spanish to learn to speak Spanish fluently.
You don’t need to know how to love to start loving someone.
You start loving someone to learn how to love.
And while this chain of causality sounds logical, sometimes the logical things are the hardest to remember.
There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence when you’re passionate about something.
But being passionate doesn’t come with an obligation to be – or even try to become – good.
It’s fine to write for the sake of writing, not to write a bestseller novel.
Paint for the sake of painting, not to be the next Picasso.
Run for the sake of running, not to finish a marathon.
I don’t need to be good at this today.
And some things I just never need to be good at.
You always have a choice.
