#214 Who’s in charge right now?

ByLukas
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Habit hardliner. Epicurean. Ruthless achiever. Compassionate pushover.

I identify with all of the above, my friend. And even though they can all be positive, I’m pretty good at letting those qualities shine in the wrong situations.

The habit hardliner over-disciplining themselves and those around them.

The epicurean making indulgent food decisions every day.

The ruthless achiever neglecting their family.

The compassionate guy being a pushover in business negotiations.

So more out of necessity than ambition, I started asking myself: Who’s in charge right now?

Are they the adequate identity to be in charge in whatever situation you’re in?

It’s insightful. Not always fun. But insightful.

And as you know by now, I like to share insights with you, my friend. Because who knows, maybe one day, one of these insights will be enlightening to you, too?

So I invite you to give it a try.

Right here, right now: who’s in charge?

Maybe you’ve let some of your qualities shine in the wrong situations too.

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    #15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

    ByLukas

    What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

    To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

    The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

    How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

    1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
    2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
      1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
      2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
      3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”
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    #173 Are errors truly errors?

    ByLukas

    I can believe I’ve published the perfect insight – until I narrate the podcast version a couple of weeks later and suddenly notice subtle typos and, sometimes, logical flaws. The typos and flaws were always there – but did I make a mistake earlier? 

    I can believe I’ve nailed this yoga pose – until, during one session, I suddenly sense some tension in my neck I had never noticed before. The tension was always there – did I make a mistake earlier? 

    I can believe I’ve cooked the perfect dish – until one day, I notice that the sauce tastes even better with a little less salt. But, even before I noticed it, the improvement was always there – did I make a mistake earlier?

    Maybe learning is not about errors but about gaining ever more subtle awareness.

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    #288 The one constraint that makes everything better

    ByLukas

    What’s the one Tiny Trust Builder you can do for yourself; one little thing thing that makes you feel good about yourself, and because you feel good, you’re good to other around you too?

    What’s that one small constraint YOU decide to put on your day that, when protected fiercely, makes everything else so much better?

    And if you know it makes everything better and you aren’t protecting it fiercely yet – why not?

    Could you start today?

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    #35 Why time speeds up and the world become blurry

    ByLukas

    The first hour after I was born, 60 minutes encapsulated my entire life outside the womb.

    An hour is an eternity.

    When I celebrated my first trip around the sun, one year encapsulated my entire life outside the womb.

    An hour is not that long anymore. But a year… that’s an eternity.

    When I’ll celebrate my 30th birthday next year, one year encapsulates about 1/30th of my experience in this body here on earth.

    A year is not that long anymore. But 30 years… that’s an eternity.

    Lukas Van Vyve

    There’s an absolute, immutable version of time, and then there’s our felt interpretation, which speeds up with every passing moment because we compare it to all the “time we’ve lived so far”.

    Maybe that’s why the older we get, the more effort it takes to stay in the present moment?

    Because, unlike a newborn child, for whom, compared to its short lifespan, an hour is an eternity, and every second is an opportunity to discover, drink in the world, explore…

    We’ve lived so many hours, minutes, and seconds that we don’t care anymore.

    with every passing year
    i’m more in a hurry
    and the days, minutes, seconds
    become ever more blurry

    i can live fast and miss out
    or slow down
    listen, look around
    be here, right now
    let the world whisper loud
    what life is all about

    and at last
    i hear you again.

    Lukas Van Vyve

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