Where am I scared of getting what I want, stopping myself from seeing that I already have it?
Where am I addicted to the feeling of not having what I want, to the degree that I can’t see I already have it?
Where has a feeling of scarcity become the goal I pursue, stopping me from feeling fulfilled?
First I feel.
Then I learn to categorize those feelings with words – until at some point, I don’t feel sensations anymore. I feel words.
I say I’m angry – but what does being angry feel like again?
I say I’m happy – but which sensations rush through my body?
I say I’m sad – but does sadness always feel the same?
With sensations comes nuance.
You can wait to start writing until that moment when the frustration builds up so much that not writing becomes unbearable.
But why wait for the pain if you could just write today?
After all, you’re not waiting to become a writer. You’re already a writer. You’re just not writing. Yet.
And all of that can change in one moment of deciding not to wait, but to write.
Start small.
Very small.
So small, it might feel silly at first.
For example, if you’ve committed to writing every day, don’t start by aiming to write a thousand words. Start with something you can absolutely, positively achieve.
Maybe that’s writing one sentence. Maybe it’s opening your notebook. Maybe it’s just holding a pen!
Your goal isn’t to produce fantastic prose, but simply to show up and write something.
After all, before it can be about the content, it must be about the consistency.
The path toward self-awareness isn’t always pleasant.
Take yesterday, when I realized that in many cases, I’m more interested in the comfort of “wanting” something I don’t have than in “taking action to get something.”
That unappealing realization triggered a cascade of even more unappealing questions.
Would I rather mess around with small blog posts instead of becoming a skilled writer crafting coherent arguments?
Would I rather learn about a million different strategies to grow a newsletter instead of actually spreading the word and getting more people to read my newsletter?
Would I rather learn how to learn a language than actually learn a new language?
Is the frustration of unrealized potential also a huge source of comfort in my life?
I’m not sure if I should be happy with that realization.
Maybe realizations aren’t even supposed to make me happy.
But even if they were, it doesn’t matter.
Because look: here I am, writing another insight about it.
Another Tiny Trust Builder, proving that every day, I am one step closer to renouncing my citizenship of the United States of “If I wanted, I could.”
Another reminder to myself and you, my friend, one I’ll repeat until the bitter end: actions overrule thoughts.
feigned feelings lead to forced forging
of a bond, brittle, easily brokenbut when i learn to listen
to the winds whirling within
stop seeing them as a sinwhen i hold them back no more
forceful feelings finally roar
revealing a hidden song
sung secretly for so longmy true self set free
softly I breathe
my melody into your mind
feelings mingle, sometimes grind
leaving the shyness far behindand hearing our songs entwined
I am no longer blind
to the insight
that we’ve been singing the same song
of a wordless world where we all belongat last I feel strong
Lukas Van Vyve
for we were always one
blessed by a bond
that can’t be undone
I’m not writing because I can’t write?
I’m not playing the guitar because I’m bad at music?
I’m not learning a language because I’m bad at learning languages?
That’s the world on its head.
The truth is: you can’t write because you’re not writing.
You can’t play the guitar because you’re not playing the guitar.
You can’t speak the language because you’re not learning the language.
If you would write every day, cognitive dissonance starts doing its work. Your actions will overrule your thoughts and beliefs.
And every day you write, you’re becoming a writer.
Every day you play the guitar, you’re becoming a guitar player.
Every day you learn a language, you’re becoming a language learner.
The only reason you can’t do it because you’re not doing it.
Don’t get it backwards.
