Writing is hard – but I’d love to be a writer, so I write.
Painting is hard – and I wouldn’t love being a painter, so I don’t paint.
Some things are worth the struggle and sacrifice for me – and maybe not for you.
Some things are worth the struggle and sacrifice for you – and maybe not for me.
All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone
Blaise Pascal, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/19682-all-of-humanity-s-problems-stem-from-man-s-inability-to-sit
We often equate sitting quietly in a room alone with loneliness: a word with a negative emotional charge.
But sitting quietly in a room can also bring solitude: the simple state of being by yourself, without any negative connotation.
Solitude can give relief of the pressure to be constantly “socializing” (through social media apps or in real life).
Relief of the pressure to socialize can make space.
Space you can use to hear the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your body.
Thoughts and feelings that can tell you what’s truly important to you.
And then you realize that what’s truly important to you is nothing new.
It’s something you already knew, before you learned not to listen.
When you write 50 pages a day, only to be forced to recover for a month.
When you start running 5 miles a day without any preparation, only to end up injured.
When you start studying a language for 5 hours a day, only to give up after a week.
When you fly so close to the sun, your wings melt.
When intensity and excitement radiate too brightly, and the reality of life suddenly slaps you in the face.
That’s when you start appreciating the slow, steady flame of consistency that burns long and becomes brighter over time.
And that’s when you’ll see lasting change.
If you don’t make a conscious choice to do something new, the choice will be made for you: you’ll stick with the default behavior you were doing before.
Your job is to stick to your conscious choices for long enough so they can become the new default behavior.
The other day you asked about my favorite words.
But what I really want to write about is my favorite questions.
Because as much as words can spark imagination, questions are what steer the mind – to good places or bad.
Consider this one:
“Why do I always give up when I start a new habit?“
This presupposes that I always give up and will ask my brain to come up with reasons (and excuses) to justify and perpetuate that behavior.
And off I go, finding excuses for behavior, thus perpetuation.
“Look at all the reasons I found for behaving this way. I may not like it, but I guess this is who I am.”
Why would you send your mind there… If you could also ask yourself a question like:
“What would it feel like if I were already writing and publishing every day?”
How would I feel about myself…
How would I look at myself?
What would I say, what would I create… How would I act?
Which obstacles would I have conquered?
Which excuses would have become irrelevant, making me shake my head, saying to myself, “How did I ever let that stop me?”
And just like that, with my imagination set free
internal resistance melting away
off I go
finally becoming who I’ve always wanted to be.
P.S: If you MUST ask the “Why do I always…” questions, at least use them to justify and perpetuate positive behavior.
Why do I always wake up and immediately write three pages stream of consciousness?
P.P.S.: Alright then, one more question to think (or journal) about:
Where am I perpetuating a situation or habit I say I don’t want but I secretly cling to because it feels comfortable and has become part of my identity?
I write every day until I’m a writer.
I paint every day until I’m a painter.
I practice the guitar every day until I’m a guitar player.
I love my family every day until I become a family person.
I prove to myself that I can take one daily action aligned with who I want to be.
And before I know it, the practice becomes the identity.
Living a balanced life doesn’t mean living average experiences.
It’s more like a barbell, or a seesaw, where you go all in on complementary actions.
Work hard, rest hard.
Write with total focus, then fully let go when you’ve hit your word target.
Work out with full intensity, then let your body fully recover.
So when you’re out of balance, the solution is not to come closer to the middle.
Instead, you start doing less of what you’re already doing or add more of the polar opposite of what you’re already doing.
Figure out your polar opposite pairs, and give them both the attention they deserve. That’s how you dance the barbell balance of life.
