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  • #9 Striking gold

    I’ve tirelessly written at least 300 journal entries on the same topic in the belief that in the 301st, I’ll strike gold and find the exact words I’m looking for.

    And it took me a while to accept that that’s an illusion.

    Maybe every attempt is really just the same struggle to find the right words for ideas, thoughts, insights that were never meant to be captured into words in the first place?

    And yet I bend, I twist, I turn, I squirm,
    I write, re-write
    and never am I satisfied.

    I get closer, or so I think
    And then the next day, I jump back in
    and instantly sink.

    I need answers…
    Even though deep down I know,
    the only certainty is that I’ll never get them.

    Yet, I have to try.

    Because while every day of writing is a struggle, the true value lies in the daily struggle of writing.

    Although it might look like I’m not making progress, writing and creativity is just not a linear process.

    In reality, as long as a I write every day, I’m focusing my mind on what I’m trying to say. I’m sculpting away, and someway, somehow the essence will emerge from my 300 journal entries and reveal itself.

    How? I don’t know.

    When? I don’t know.

    Probably not while I’m writing (read why here)… even though the writing is what makes it possible.

    Anyway.

    Now I know day 1, 11, 50, 299, 300, 301, 3001 are all equally important…
    I’m finally ready to accept the struggle
    and write in peace.

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    #69 Evening Questions

    I like to journal in the morning.

    But if I’d journal in the evening, this is what I’d ask myself:

    “Were my actions today actions of the person I choose to be? Or were they actions of a person driven by old patterns, habits and limiting beliefs?”

    “Did my actions bring me closer to where I choose to go? Or did they keep me stuck in a place I really don’t want to be anymore?”

    “Did my actions make me feel good about myself? Or did they make me resent myself?”

    What can I do differently tomorrow?

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    #290 Your unique contribution

    What do you see that others don’t even notice?

    What do you feel that others don’t even seem to care about?

    What do you like to do that most others never even entertain?

    What do you write about that most others haven’t even considered?

    And instead of seeing such differences as a societal warning sign, discouraging you from pursuing it…

    Can you see them as an encouraging sign of unique contributions you’re about to make?

    Embrace your individuality.

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    #235 Do I care? Should I care?

    I am inspired when I write, because I care about writing.
    I am disappointed when I don’t write, because I care about writing.

    I am delighted when there are no traffic jams, because I care about efficiency.
    I am frustrated when the train is delayed, because I care about efficiency.


    Strong emotions are the most honest answer to the question, “Do I care?”

    ”But should I care?” I hear you ask.

    Well, my friend, that’s a different question.

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    #172 The pursuit of failure

    I can’t just say, “today, I’m going to be excellent at writing.”

    Excellence is an outcome: a result of focused daily actions.

    And one of the fastest ways to excellence is the pursuit of failure.

    Not just making accidental mistakes but actively seeking them out.

    Did I write nonsense today? Did I understand why I was writing nonsense? Have I learned something from writing that nonsense that will help me write something less nonsensical tomorrow?

    The pursuit of failure is painful, especially for perfectionists like me.

    But once ego, perfectionism, and the fear of failure make way for a commitment to the process, there’s much to learn from daily mistakes.

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