#326 What you care most about will show up in what you do
No matter if you write or not, run or not, spend time with family or not…
No matter what you say, what you care most about will show up in what you do.
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#3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox
ByLukasStarting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:
Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”
Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”
Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”
(Source: Eben Pagan)
And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…
Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.
“Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”
Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:
Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.
So… the questions I keep in mind today:
- How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
- What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?
Taking it one step further:
- What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?
And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…
“It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”
Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
And desire turns into despair
When I suddenly see what I always had in me
Who I could be
Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
I step back
Look back
Feel back
And when at last I notice
That day by day,
I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
I remind myself
It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.#205 Why “kind of” doesn’t work
ByLukasYou kind of want to run a marathon.
You kind of want to eat better.
You kind of want to move more.
You kind of want to feel better.
And everything kind of stays the same.
Only when “kind of” becomes “absolutely” and “want to” becomes “choose to” change happens.
I absolutely choose to write.
I absolutely choose to run a marathon.
I absolutely choose to eat better.
I absolutely choose to move more.
I absolutely choose to do whatever it takes to feel better.
Because there is no other way.
#263 Stop, even if you could do more
ByLukasErnest Hemingway allegedly stopped his writing sessions in the middle of a sentence so he knew how to start his next session. He stopped writing, even if he could do more.
Julia Cameron teaches to write precisely three pages of stream-of-consciousness journaling a day. Stop journaling, even if you could do more.
I’ve gotten better results studying foreign languages 20 minutes a day for several months than rushing into a new language and studying it for 3 hours a day, then crashing and burning. I stop myself from learning, even if I could do more.
Because burnout and overindulgence stifle progress, and in the long run, moderation leads to more.
#445 Is it truly time for something new?
ByLukasAre you clinging to the past, even though it is time for something new?
Are you escaping the present, even though it isn’t time yet for something new?
Are you scared of the future, even though it truly is time for something new?
All three can be true. All three can be a
#212 Your beacon of trust
ByLukas835 days ago, I started writing three pages of stream-of-consciousness journaling every day.
It’s my one habit where I haven’t missed a single day, but not because I’m afraid I would quit if I skipped a day (I’ve built up enough self-trust and elastic discipline by now).
Not because I derive so much creative and therapeutic benefit from it either (I do, but skipping a day here and there wouldn’t diminish that benefit).
None of that would warrant my hardliner habit approach to journaling, my friend. You know I’m more of an elastic discipline guy.
The real reason I never miss a journaling day is that it was the first habit I ever managed to stick to consistently.
Because of that, it reminds me that I can change my beliefs, habits, and identity, no matter how hard it seems.
It reminds me that, on that momentous day in 2021, my identity started shifting from eternal quitter to consistent go-getter.
It reminds me that actions overrule thoughts.
In other words: Journaling daily has become a beacon of self-trust.
And I’ll be eternally grateful for the day I decided to take a pen and put it on the paper.
I hope you have such a beacon of self-trust in your life.
And if not, I hope you’ll find or create one soon.
P.S. Maybe you already have a beacon of trust, but you’re not aware of it.
After all, the specific activity doesn’t matter.
You could go for a walk every day. Play the guitar. Learn a new phrase in a new language. Do one pushup.
Anything that reminds you of the fact that you, too, can do things aligned with who you want to be.
P.P.S I’m curious… If you have a beacon of self-trust, what is it? Let me know by replying to this Insight!
#4 When the best story in the world has already been written…
ByLukasWhen the best story in the world has already been written… why do I write?
Because writing is not a choice – and neither is telling stories.
Because stories are never finished.
Because the best stories in the world are written over and over again.
Because a story well-told depends on who you’re telling it to.
Because we all tell the same stories anyway, but that one little change, that one new interpretation can make the difference between touching someone or missing the mark.
But what IS the best story in the world?
I don’t know.
I do know they don’t have to be very elaborate to have impact:
For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
Ernest HemingwayWhen someone, sometime, stumbled upon six words that can evoke so much… How can I NOT continue my own search for stories and the words to tell them?
P.S.: Credits to Jony Mitchell for writing the best song in the world.
P.P.S: Extra credits for singing the most heartfelt version even after suffering a stroke and having to relearn to talk and sing.
P.P.P.S.: Credits to The Tallest Man on Earth for showing that a new interpretation can make even the best song in the world reach new heights, and providing the inspiration for this post.