What would you like to become good at?
Why do you want to become good at this? Passion? Purpose? Impressing others?
Are you willing to spend a lot of time to become good at this?
Are you willing to give up other things to become good at this?
Are you making life harder for yourself by trying to become good at this?
Is that worth it?
…
The question that rules them all:
How easy was it to answer the questions above?
You’ll heal in due time.
You’ll succeed in due time.
Everything will happen in due time.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide what due time is.
Playing the guitar hasn’t taught me to move my hands and fingers across strings. It has taught me to persevere whenever I’m failing over and over again until suddenly, it all clicks and the words, music, or movements flow.
Yoga hasn’t taught me to put my body in awkward poses. It has taught me to be aware of – and release – the tension in my body whenever I sit, walk, stand, and run.
Taking cold showers hasn’t taught me to withstand cold water. It has taught me to know to relax whenever my body tenses up in stress and my heart starts racing.
Learning a foreign language hasn’t taught me to say the same things with different words. It has taught me that there are different ways of perceiving the wordless world around me, and expressing what I feel inside.
When we isolate insights, most of the learning is lost on us.
Learn thematically. Ask yourself, “Where else does this apply?”
At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.
If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.
Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?
I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.
I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.
And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)
If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.
The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.
Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.
When you write every day, you believe you can write every day.
When you don’t write every day, you believe you can’t every day.
And so it goes for running, working out, eating healthy, playing the guitar, or anything else you’re frustrated or satisfied with.
Beliefs follow actions.
Actions confirm beliefs.
So follow your actions to uncover your beliefs.
Then change your actions to change your beliefs.
Today marks day 400 of the Daily Insight newsletter – which calls for a longer post and a question for you.
Let’s start with three lessons I learned from publishing daily.
I wasn’t inspired every day in the past 400 days – but many days I was.
And I wouldn’t have had the inspiring days without the uninspired days.
Maybe writing when you’re not inspired is the whole point.
Because showing up for the bad moments makes it possible to be there for the good moments, too.
In the past, I just couldn’t get myself to write, not even if I really wanted to.
Now, I just write.
Doing something new always goes against your current beliefs and always comes with resistance – otherwise, you would already be doing it.
But seeing how tiny daily actions can normalize a behavior that in the past seemed unattainable was incredibly empowering.
You don’t have to be ready to get started. You get started to become ready.
For the longest time, I felt like I always gave up on things that were important to me. I just couldn’t persevere.
So, I chose to start writing daily. But I could’ve also decided to run every day. Or knit.
In the end, the activity itself doesn’t matter. You can choose any desire you feel resistance towards…
And start using it as a symbol of your defiance against your limiting beliefs.
In its essence, such “Tiny Trust Builder” actions, as I came to call them, are symbolic.
Pick one. Attach meaning to it. Use it to prove to yourself that your aspirations are not just pipe dreams. And see how your life changes.
Maybe it didn’t have to take 400 days to prove to myself that I could write every day – or maybe it did.
Either way, I did it. And now the question arises: what’s next?
To answer that question, I need your help.
Why are you subscribed to this newsletter? What do you get out of it?
Could I do anything to make the newsletter more interesting to you?
Let me know by replying to this email so we can shape the next 400 newsletters together.
Thanks for being along for the journey!
When you need to do it every day
there just is no other way
you’re developing a habit, but it could still fade away.
When you don’t need to do it every day
and you trust you’ll stay on track anyway
you know the habit is here to stay.
