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  • #330 You only need one

    You only need to stick to one new habit to prove to yourself that you can change.

    One habit. One small activity. One Teeny Tiny Trust Builder where you don’t give up, but stay on track.

    Why would you make this hard on yourself?

    Write one sentence a day.

    Learn one word a day.

    Meditate for 1 minute.

    Make it ridiculously small if you want.

    But stick with it.

    Stick with it on day one. And the next day. And the next. And also on the day when the universe seems to conspire against you.

    Stick with it, because that one silly little activity can be the start of a changed life.

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    #182 Uncertain future visions

    I can say I want to run a marathon, write a book, or have a successful career – which doesn’t mean I’ll actually end up running a marathon, writing a book, or having a successful career.

    But if I’m serious about it, it does mean I’ll take daily steps towards that goal – daily actions that will change my identity.

    Can I live with the present-day implications of my uncertain future visions?

    If I don’t know yet if I’ll ever write the book – will these daily actions still be fulfilling to me?

    Will they make me happier?

    Will I be happy with the person I become by taking such daily actions?

    Do these daily actions contribute to a fulfilling emotional, mental, physical, and social life?

    If not, am I willing to make emotional, mental, physical, or social sacrifices?

    This is a choice everyone makes for themselves.

    But I don’t want to make my present day miserable for an uncertain vision of the future I don’t even know will happen.

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    #44 Choices

    I can write today, resent myself for not writing… or stop caring at all about writing.

    I can publish a blog post today, resent myself for not posting, or stop caring at all about blog posts.

    Taking action on something I care about is a valid choice.

    Stopping to care about taking a certain action is an equally valid choice.

    Resenting myself for not taking an action I care about… that’s a choice for self-torture.

    Put your actions where your mouth is.

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    #22 Actions Overrule Thoughts

    One of the most potent drivers of change AND perpetuators of old habits is cognitive dissonance:

    In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it. Relevant items of information include a person’s actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance is typically experienced as psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of those things.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

    What’s interesting about cognitive dissonance is that both “sides” of the dissonance are not equal:

    If you think one thing, but you do something else, eventually you’ll start believing what you do, not what you think.

    In other words: actions overrule thoughts.

    1. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) and I don’t write a daily post (action), I perpetuate the belief.
    2. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) but I gain enough courage and I actually do write a daily post (action), I will start shifting my belief towards the actions I’m taking. In other words: I’ll start believing I can write a daily post.
    3. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought), but I never actually write that daily post (action), then my belief will start shifting again, and I’ll start believing I can’t write a daily post.
    4. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought) and I do write a daily post (action), my belief grows stronger.

    We usually start in the first scenario until we gain enough leverage over ourselves to change our actions. The moment we change our actions to actions that conflict with our thoughts/beliefs, we’re creating cognitive dissonance.

    Then, if we follow through with our new actions, our beliefs start to change.

    The big turning point is that moment where you start taking a different action.

    Which begs the question:

    • How can we gain enough leverage over ourselves to go against our beliefs and change our actions for the better?
    • How can we make it so important to us to change (or so painful NOT to change) that we start taking different actions?

    Identify your leverage points that jolt you into action, and you gain power over your beliefs and identity.

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