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    #192 Your desired identity

    Who you are and what you do consistently always coincide. After all, your repeated actions create your identity.

    But who you want to be and what you consistently do don’t usually coincide. Otherwise, you would already have become who you want to be.

    You want to be a writer, but you’re not consistently writing? Writing consistently will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

    You want to be a guitar player, but you’re not consistently playing the guitar? Practicing daily will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

    Could you make your actions coincide with your desired identity?

  • #209 Self-improvement gap and a pressure trap

    Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

    But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

    Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

    When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

    And so the pressure mounts.


    Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

    Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

    Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

    To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

    Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

    Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

    Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

    Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

    Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

    Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

    Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

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