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  • #9 Striking gold

    I’ve tirelessly written at least 300 journal entries on the same topic in the belief that in the 301st, I’ll strike gold and find the exact words I’m looking for.

    And it took me a while to accept that that’s an illusion.

    Maybe every attempt is really just the same struggle to find the right words for ideas, thoughts, insights that were never meant to be captured into words in the first place?

    And yet I bend, I twist, I turn, I squirm,
    I write, re-write
    and never am I satisfied.

    I get closer, or so I think
    And then the next day, I jump back in
    and instantly sink.

    I need answers…
    Even though deep down I know,
    the only certainty is that I’ll never get them.

    Yet, I have to try.

    Because while every day of writing is a struggle, the true value lies in the daily struggle of writing.

    Although it might look like I’m not making progress, writing and creativity is just not a linear process.

    In reality, as long as a I write every day, I’m focusing my mind on what I’m trying to say. I’m sculpting away, and someway, somehow the essence will emerge from my 300 journal entries and reveal itself.

    How? I don’t know.

    When? I don’t know.

    Probably not while I’m writing (read why here)… even though the writing is what makes it possible.

    Anyway.

    Now I know day 1, 11, 50, 299, 300, 301, 3001 are all equally important…
    I’m finally ready to accept the struggle
    and write in peace.

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    #89 Don’t get it backwards

    I’m not writing because I can’t write?
    I’m not playing the guitar because I’m bad at music?
    I’m not learning a language because I’m bad at learning languages?

    That’s the world on its head.

    The truth is: you can’t write because you’re not writing.
    You can’t play the guitar because you’re not playing the guitar.
    You can’t speak the language because you’re not learning the language.

    If you would write every day, cognitive dissonance starts doing its work. Your actions will overrule your thoughts and beliefs.

    And every day you write, you’re becoming a writer.

    Every day you play the guitar, you’re becoming a guitar player.

    Every day you learn a language, you’re becoming a language learner.

    The only reason you can’t do it because you’re not doing it.

    Don’t get it backwards.

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