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    #106 Pick your freedom battles

    Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.

    They want the freedom to set their own constraints.

    To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”

    To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”

    To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”

    To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”

    Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.

    Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.

    Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?

    Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?

    Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?

    Pick your freedom battles.

  • #373 One day, you’ll be happy you have your habits

    You write today. You run today. You do yoga today. You reach out to friends today.

    Because one day, when the going gets tough, you’ll be happy you have a writing habit to express ideas and feelings.

    You’ll be happy you’re in shape enough to run.

    You’ll be happy to know your body well enough to move freely.

    And you’ll be happy you have friends.

  • #209 Self-improvement gap and a pressure trap

    Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

    But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

    Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

    When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

    And so the pressure mounts.


    Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

    Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

    Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

    To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

    Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

    Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

    Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

    Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

    Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

    Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

    Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

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