#159 What unintentional living looks like

ByLukas
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Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

  1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
  2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
  3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
  4. Habits shape your identity.

“Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

Intentional living and identity building look like this:

  1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
  2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
  3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
  4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

“While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.

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    Perfect recall is paralyzing.

    Not everything is worth remembering.

    And life isn’t better when you’re a bad forgetter.

    Maybe life becomes easier to navigate if we remember the fact that we’ll always make mistakes – and the lessons we learn from them – yet forget (forgive) the specific slip-ups we and others make.

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    #103 Show me one daily action

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    So you say you want to be a writer?
    Show me one daily action that proves that’s true.

    So you say you value connection with family and friends?
    Show me one daily action that demonstrates you do.

    So you say you want to learn a foreign language?
    Show me one daily action. Show me you’ll follow through.

    Show me one daily action. Not for me. But for you.

    For you to start believing you care.

    That your dreams and desires aren’t just castles in the air.

    That you dare to build an identity that supports your values and aspirations.

    Because actions overrule thoughts.

    Actions form (or break) beliefs.

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    One action a day. That’s all it takes.

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  • #484 Comfortable in uncomfortable misconceptions

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    Even when the cure is available, we never let our body heal, because what would we do if we couldn’t complain about our ailments anymore?

    Even when true love presents itself, we push it away, because what would we do if we can’t complain about partners leaving us anymore?

    Even when friends and family show support, we don’t allow it, because what would we do if we can’t say anymore that everyone is out to screw us over?

    Would we rather stay stubborn? Would we rather stay comfortable in our uncomfortable misconceptions?

  • #151 Habit hardliners vs Elastic Discipline

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    If I don’t meditate today, will I ever become a consistent practitioner?

    If I don’t go for that run today, will I ever become a runner?

    If I don’t stick to my diet today, will I ever get in shape?

    There’s a time and place for being a hardliner about your habits – the first 30-45 days when the naysayer voice in your head still says, “let’s see how long it takes before I give up again.”

    After all, you’re building a new identity and will still be pulled back towards your old ways.

    But at some point, hardliners need to make the switch to “elastic discipline“:

    Being disciplined about your daily practice while trusting yourself enough that when life inevitably puts you in a situation where you HAVE to violate your principles, you can navigate it, adjust your behavior, and afterward, like an elastic band, bounce back to your disciplined practice.

    This is an overlooked part of habit-building. Because if you don’t consciously build the self-trust that you can, in fact, persevere despite setbacks, you’ll live in fear of giving up forever.

    So initially, when you start a new habit, be a hardliner.

    Use Tiny Trust Builders to start building confidence in your ability to persevere.

    After 30 days, start asking yourself: do I trust myself enough to skip a day and then bounce back to my disciplined practice tomorrow?

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    Build self-trust.

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    Cultivate “elastic discipline” and become free.

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    #78 Unconscious categorization

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    Within a split second, I’ve categorized an object as an apple. Now I don’t pay attention to the dimensions, color, smell, and texture anymore.

    Within a split second, I’ve categorized an emotion as anger, fear, frustration, love. So I don’t pay attention to the physiological changes in my body anymore.

    I’m always categorizing – but I didn’t consciously create the categories.

    But what if I’m categorizing inaccurately?

    Can I interrupt instant categorization, governed by language, habits, patterns, past experience?

    Can I re-open my senses and see, smell, touch, hear, feel again?

    Can I start sensing nuances between the objects I behold?

    Can I discern nuances between the feelings I feel?

    Mindfulness, journaling, meditation, and learning languages can help with more conscious categorization.

    Because what if the anger I feel is nothing but fear?

    What if the fear I feel is nothing but frustration?

    What if the frustration I feel is nothing but unrequited love?

    And what if the love I feel is nothing but infatuation?

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