#159 What unintentional living looks like

ByLukas
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Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

  1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
  2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
  3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
  4. Habits shape your identity.

“Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

Intentional living and identity building look like this:

  1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
  2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
  3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
  4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

“While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    ByLukas

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #68 The sitcom comparison

    ByLukas

    Watching a sitcom or soap opera episode takes 20 minutes – and somehow, we always seem to find time for it.

    Doing some stretches or a quick workout can take as little as 15 minutes – yet somehow, it’s very hard to find time for it.

    Many good habits take take less time than watching a sitcom – and during and after, they’re often quite enjoyable. But our mind makes it so hard to start.

    Whenever something that’s good for you feels insurmountable and your mind starts playing tricks on you, put it into perspective.

    Doing this thing will take less time than watching a sitcom.

    Maybe I could even do it while watching the sitcom.

    And doing it will be a vote for the person I want to become.

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    #113 Make space

    ByLukas

    Actions overrule thoughts, and sometimes the best creative act – and the one requiring the most discipline – is doing nothing.

    Because when you slow down your pace, suddenly you realize: there’s space.

    There’s space for the thoughts and feelings you were so afraid to face.

    There’s space to redirect the energy you’ve misplaced.

    There’s space to rediscover everything that escaped your gaze while you were engaged in an endless rat race.

    There’s space for you to remember
    that before you learned not to listen
    and constant distraction erased every trace
    of the insights you so desperately chase
    there was a place of stillness
    a warm embrace
    where all the answers were right there, in your face

    Only when you’ve slowed down your mind’s pace
    you realize
    you were never out of place
    you were navigating a self-inflicted maze
    with only one way out:

    Make space.

  • #378 Don’t negotiate yourself out of your dreams

    ByLukas

    You usually make a plan in a moment of motivation and clear thinking, where everything seems possible.

    But you’ll have to execute the plan in a variety of situations, including harsh conditions.

    Remember this: difficult moments pass, just like easy moments.

    Every moment passes, but your plans and dreams will still be there.

    Don’t negotiate yourself out of your dreams based on a difficult moment.

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