#3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox

ByLukas
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Starting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:

Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”

Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”

Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”

(Source: Eben Pagan)

And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…

Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.

“Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”

Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:

Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.

So… the questions I keep in mind today:

  • How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
  • What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?

Taking it one step further:

  • What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?

And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…

“It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”

Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
And desire turns into despair
When I suddenly see what I always had in me
Who I could be
Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
I step back
Look back
Feel back
And when at last I notice
That day by day,
I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
I remind myself
It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.

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    #75 2 Questions to Ask Before Starting a Project

    ByLukas

    Habits are hard to build. But there’s one that’s easy to get used to: starting a new project, then giving up.

    Sometimes it’s better not to start at all, so you avoid reinforcing a quitter’s identity: I’ve given up so many times in the past, I’ll probaby give up again.

    So how do you know which projects are worth starting?

    Ask yourself the following questions:

    1. Is this something I really want? Something that’s good for me AND feasible in the short/medium/long term? (Trust of Intention)
    2. Am I prepared to go through a phase where the sole purpose is building a habit without caring about improving or marking much progress? (Trust of Completion)

    If the answer to both questions is yes, you’re onto something.

    If not, you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

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    #132 Unlimited Learning

    ByLukas

    Learning often implies discovering what you can’t do.

    I can’t write and convey what I want to say. I can’t speak Spanish fluently. I can’t do this yoga pose.

    For many people that’s also the final destination, when in fact, it’s only the start.

    We’re missing a word: Learning is discovering what you can’t do yet.

    Or, even better:

    Learning is discovering what, through diligent practice, you’ll soon be able to do.

    After all, actions overrule thoughts.

    I can’t write and find the right words… yet. But with diligent practice, soon, I’ll be able to convey what I want to say.

    I’m not able to do this yoga pose… yet. But with diligent practice, soon I will.

    I can’t speak Spanish fluently… yet. But with diligent practice, soon I will.

    That’s all there is to it.

    Discover your current limit. Realize that through diligent practice, you’ll overcome it.

    Then you’ll find a new limit. And through diligent practice, you’ll overcome it.

    Until you find a new limit, which you’ll overcome… through diligent practice.

    Where do you let the discovery of your current limit be your end station?

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