#143 Tipping the scale

ByLukas
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A voice in my head says I can’t write every day?

I’ll write 2 sentences every day, just to prove to that voice that I, in fact, CAN write every day.

A voice in my head says I don’t have the perseverance to train for (and then finish) a marathon?

I’ll do something small to prepare for the marathon every day, so at the end of each day, I can say to myself “The proof is there, today was another day of me persevering and preparing for a marathon.”

You can’t brute-force your way out of an “I can’t do this” belief. You can only take small actions that start proving the contrary.

Slowly but surely, you chip away at the credibility of the naysayer voice, until the scale starts tipping over, and an encouraging voice emerges.

Tiny trust builders.

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    ByLukas

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #282 You can write every day

    ByLukas

    If you truly believe you can write every day – not that it is generally possible to write every day, but that YOU can write every day – you would be doing it already.

    So if you’re not, ask yourself:

    Do you believe YOU can write every day?

    If not, why not?

    Is it physically impossible for you to write something every day? A page, a paragraph, a sentence… a word?

    Deep down, you know the answer to that question.

    And now we’ve established you can write every day; what other excuses come up?

    That the work won’t be good?

    That the words won’t capture what you want to say?

    That you’ll disappoint others?

    That you’ll disappoint yourself?

    Put words to your fears, then ask yourself: what would happen if they all came true?

    Would that stop you from writing? Or would it liberate you?

    Would you maybe be just fine?

    What would it be like to have overcome your fears and still be writing anyway?

    Only one way to find out…

    Write. Every. Day.

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    #92 The true purpose of memory

    ByLukas

    Memory isn’t an objective account of the past – and that’s not its purpose either.

    Memory stores the lessons we extract from life experience. And to do so, it modifies, adds, subtracts, highlights, and hides.

    Hot soup burns my tongue – next time, I’ll remember the pain, but not if it was tomato soup or chicken soup. And I’ll remember to wait a couple of minutes before having the first spoon.

    Experience lived. Irrelevant info deleted. Lesson learned. Memory created.

    My country gets invaded – and that causes so much pain, I won’t just deliver an objective account of what happened: I’ll make sure to tell everyone who the evil guys are too.

    Experience lived. Story modified. Lesson learned. Memory created.

    I eat the most delicious dessert at a Mexico City restaurant – that’s the memory I’m going to tell my friends about, not which glass of dessert wine I had with it.

    Experience lived. Dessert highlighted. Lesson learned. Memory created.

    You’re going to make memories anyway. Which lessons do you want to learn?

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