#292 The obstacle course hidden beneath your goals

ByLukas
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If you think you know how to write a story but never do it, do you really know how to write a story?

If you think you know how to do a yoga pose but never do it, do you really know how to do that yoga pose?

If you think you know how to apologize for a mistake but never do it, do you really know how to apologize?

If you know what you want to do but aren’t doing it, do you really know what you want?

Because hidden beneath your goals and technical step-by-step instructions to accomplish them, there’s an obstacle course of personal context, personal beliefs, past experiences, and emotions.

And these, you won’t discover in books or videos.

These, you’ll encounter by doing.

And these, you’ll conquer by doing.

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    #80 Replacing sensations with words

    ByLukas

    First I feel.

    Then I learn to categorize those feelings with words – until at some point, I don’t feel sensations anymore. I feel words.

    I say I’m angry – but what does being angry feel like again?

    I say I’m happy – but which sensations rush through my body?

    I say I’m sad – but does sadness always feel the same?

    With sensations comes nuance.

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    #24 Put your actions where your mouth is

    ByLukas

    Here’s a useful insight from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:

    Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

    https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/june-4-2020

    Writing every day reaffirms my “I’m a writer” identity.

    Sitting on the couch every day reaffirms my “I’m a couch potato” identity.

    As a consequence: when you change your actions and your identity starts shifting to align with those actions.

    And that’s how we get out of a rut.

    (The opposite isn’t always true: changing your thoughts without changing your actions will rarely shift your identity. I can think of being a writer as much as I want, if I never put any words on paper, I’m not a writer. That’s one of the principle of cognitive dissonance: Actions overrule Thoughts.)

    Here’s how to change your actions and your identity:

    1. First, you decide who you want to be (and what your new identity looks like).
      “I want to be a yogi: someone who regularly practices yoga and takes care of his mind and body.”
    2. Second you get clear on what that would look like in your daily life: which actions you’ll take that are different from the ones you’re taking right now.
      “Instead of watching TV before, my “yogi identity” would do a daily yoga session.
    3. Third, you gain enough leverage over yourself to go against your current habits, and take those different action for a prolonged period of time.
      This is where most resistance comes up, because my old “couch potato identity” is fighting my “yogi” identity — and through my past actions, the couch potato has received WAY more votes than the yogi.
      So you need perseverance at this stage. Remember, every time you take those new actions, you’re voting for your new identity and new habits are taking roots.
    4. At some point, you reach a tipping point productivity experts call “habit escape velocity“: you now have so much momentum that you’re out of the sphere of influence of your old habits, and your new habits (and new identity) can take root.

    Which begs the question…

    Where are you saying you want to be a certain way, but you’re voting for something else through your daily actions?

    Lukas Van Vyve

    Put your money (or your actions) where your mouth is.

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    #58 Pre-verbal

    ByLukas

    There used to be a time when you didn’t have words for your feelings. You just felt them.

    You didn’t have words to say that your parents are your parents. You just knew it.

    You didn’t have words for the sounds other humans made. Like singing birds, a buzzing bumblebee, or a rolling thunder, it was all just vibrating air.

    What was your experience of reality like before words started categorizing, abstracting and limiting what you could see, hear, touch and feel?

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    #124 Deliberate Memories, Accurate Intuition

    ByLukas

    A memory is what we decide to remember from an experience – and what we decide to delete and forget.

    Intuition is the instant hunch we get after we’ve repeatedly created memories from experiences; the moment we don’t need the conscious memory anymore.

    A small (or unrepresentative) sample size leads to inaccurate intuition.

    If I’m betrayed three times in my life and have created strong memories around that, my intuition whenever meeting anyone else may be that they’ll betray me too. Three bad experiences have shaped, and skewed, my relationship to billions of others.

    How to develop accurate intuition?

    The more memories we create, the bigger the “sample size” for our intuition to emerge from, and the smaller the weight of “outlier events” (like being betrayed).

    The more deliberately we create these memories, the more deliberately we hone intuition.

    Create more memories. And create them deliberately.

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