#376 The decision has already been made

ByLukas

If you made a plan to write every day, write today.

Don’t think. Write.

Because the decision has already been made.

And now is not the time to negotiate.

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  • #319 Starting silly small

    ByLukas

    Start small.

    Very small.

    So small, it might feel silly at first.

    For example, if you’ve committed to writing every day, don’t start by aiming to write a thousand words. Start with something you can absolutely, positively achieve.

    Maybe that’s writing one sentence. Maybe it’s opening your notebook. Maybe it’s just holding a pen!

    Your goal isn’t to produce fantastic prose, but simply to show up and write something.

    After all, before it can be about the content, it must be about the consistency.

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    #3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox

    ByLukas

    Starting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:

    Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”

    Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”

    Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”

    (Source: Eben Pagan)

    And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…

    Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.

    “Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”

    Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:

    Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.

    So… the questions I keep in mind today:

    • How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
    • What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?

    Taking it one step further:

    • What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?

    And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…

    “It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”

    Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
    And desire turns into despair
    When I suddenly see what I always had in me
    Who I could be
    Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
    I step back
    Look back
    Feel back
    And when at last I notice
    That day by day,
    I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
    I remind myself
    It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.

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    #97 Not loneliness. Solitude.

    ByLukas

    All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone

    Blaise Pascal, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/19682-all-of-humanity-s-problems-stem-from-man-s-inability-to-sit

    We often equate sitting quietly in a room alone with loneliness: a word with a negative emotional charge.

    But sitting quietly in a room can also bring solitude: the simple state of being by yourself, without any negative connotation.

    Solitude can give relief of the pressure to be constantly “socializing” (through social media apps or in real life).

    Relief of the pressure to socialize can make space.

    Space you can use to hear the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your body.

    Thoughts and feelings that can tell you what’s truly important to you.

    And then you realize that what’s truly important to you is nothing new.

    It’s something you already knew, before you learned not to listen.

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    #175 Perpetuating painful comfort

    ByLukas

    We naturally move towards pleasure and away from pain – with one exception: painful comfort.

    If you’re used to believing that you’re bad at languages, there’s painful comfort in struggling with languages.

    If you’re used to negative self-talk, there’s painful comfort in negative self-talk.

    If you’re used to working 12-hour days, there’s painful comfort in working 12-hour days.

    If you’re used to constant conflict, there’s painful comfort in constant conflict.

    If you’re used to neglect, there’s painful comfort in neglect.

    Painful comfort is keeping you comfortable AND hurting you.

    Years of conditioning have given it an irresistible pull – until you decide to take a leap of faith and start believing that you, too, can change.

    Where are you perpetuating painful comfort in life?

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