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  • #67 Caffè sospeso

    In working-class cafés in Napoli, people who experienced good luck often buy a coffee, then another one “pending”, which the barista can serve to anyone at his own discretion: a caffè sospeso.

    A symbol of social trust and solidarity. Or, in the hands of marketeers and big coffee chains, a tool for increasing sales.

    Regardless, it’s an act minimal enough to not to turn the donor into a hero, and small enough not to affect the receiver’s self-worth.

    If such accessible acts of generosity make the donor feel good, and the receiver of a free coffee too…

    And if it’s something almost everyone can do, not just billionaire philanthropists…

    It’s an initiative worth spreading. Maybe not only for coffee.

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    #81 Am I willing?

    I can say I want to publish a new book.

    Double my income.

    Get in shape.

    Learn another language.

    But hidden beneath the surface of lofty goals are daily actions.

    Publishing a book… What does that really mean?

    Who is that person who has published the book? (Not just written… actually published?)

    What do they say to themselves?

    What do they think?

    What do they feel?

    What do they do every day? And what can I start doing every day to become more of that person who has written that book?

    Most importantly, am I willing to take those actions every day to reach whatever goal I’m after?

    Am I willing to change?

    If not, is that goal even important to me?

    Who do I choose to be?

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    #15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

    What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

    To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

    The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

    How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

    1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
    2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
      1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
      2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
      3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”

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