#125 So I write.

Where am I scared of getting what I want, stopping myself from seeing that I already have it?

Where am I addicted to the feeling of not having what I want, to the degree that I can’t see I already have it?

Where has a feeling of scarcity become the goal I pursue, stopping me from feeling fulfilled?

There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence when you’re passionate about something.

But being passionate doesn’t come with an obligation to be – or even try to become – good.

It’s fine to write for the sake of writing, not to write a bestseller novel.
Paint for the sake of painting, not to be the next Picasso.
Run for the sake of running, not to finish a marathon.

I don’t need to be good at this today.

And some things I just never need to be good at.

You always have a choice.

If I don’t write the post I intended to write, I actively avoid the desired result of my writing.

If I don’t do the workout I intended to do, I actively avoid the desired result of my workout (being in better shape, running a new PR,…)

If I don’t have the difficult conversation I intended to have, I actively avoid the desired result of that conversation.

Inaction is not the lack of action.

Inaction is taking active action to avoid working towards the result you desire.

The real question, then, is:

Why do I actively avoid working toward a desired result?

Am I worried that even if I write daily, I’ll never become a skilled writer?

Am I worried I won’t enjoy writing anymore if I ever get recognition?

Am I worried that writing every day will turn me into a skilled writer, but being a professional writer won’t be fulfilling?

P.S. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I only have a limited repertoire of examples in this newsletter, my friend

I trust you to apply the insight to your situation.

And maybe, when you’re pondering the question above, you’ll come to the same conclusion as me:

That more often than not, I’m more interested in the comfort of “wanting” something I don’t have than in “taking action to get something.”

I am inspired when I write, because I care about writing.
I am disappointed when I don’t write, because I care about writing.

I am delighted when there are no traffic jams, because I care about efficiency.
I am frustrated when the train is delayed, because I care about efficiency.

Strong emotions are the most honest answer to the question, “Do I care?”

”But should I care?” I hear you ask.

Well, my friend, that’s a different question.