#29 The myth of self-sabotage

ByLukas
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All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #172 The pursuit of failure

    ByLukas

    I can’t just say, “today, I’m going to be excellent at writing.”

    Excellence is an outcome: a result of focused daily actions.

    And one of the fastest ways to excellence is the pursuit of failure.

    Not just making accidental mistakes but actively seeking them out.

    Did I write nonsense today? Did I understand why I was writing nonsense? Have I learned something from writing that nonsense that will help me write something less nonsensical tomorrow?

    The pursuit of failure is painful, especially for perfectionists like me.

    But once ego, perfectionism, and the fear of failure make way for a commitment to the process, there’s much to learn from daily mistakes.

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    #210 How do you know you’re reaching your goal?

    ByLukas

    I could consider myself a writer if I write 20,000 words a day – and I would be right.

    Or I could consider myself a writer if I write one sentence a day – and I would be right.

    I could consider myself a writer if I’ve written a book – and I would be right.

    Or I could consider myself a writer the moment I’ve decided I’m going to be a writer – and I would be right.

    I could consider myself a writer if I’ve built up enough self-trust and taken enough daily actions that prove that I genuinely care about being a writer – and I would be right.

    Whether you’re aware of them or not, you’re using subjective measuring sticks for everything, usually determined by upbringing, culture, and societal pressure.

    But nothing stops you from consciously choosing your measuring sticks (depending on your goals, you could make them easier or more challenging) and setting yourself up for more fulfillment and success.

    Here are some questions that can help:

    When you say you want to be {successful, happy, fulfilled, fit, wealthy}…

    How do you know you’re reaching your goal?

    Is it an achievement?

    A material possession?

    A feeling?

    An action you take?

    A decision you make?

    Choose wisely.

  • #144 Turning a blind eye

    ByLukas

    We’re not able to see almost everything in life and are blind to only a couple of things.

    We’re blind to almost everything in life and are able to see only a couple of things.

    And of the things we are able to see, we (consciously or subconsciously) focus on an even smaller subset, and then turn a blind eye to the rest.

    To live a creative life, there’s no need to create anything new.

    Open your eyes, prick up your ears, smell the air, and feel the earth beneath your feet.

    Then open your heart, taste your thoughts, sense subtle shifts, and heed the voice in your head.

    When you marry your inner and outer world
    insights unfurl.

  • #438 Whatever happens

    ByLukas

    It rains – you keep breathing.

    The sun is out – you keep breathing.

    You win – you keep breathing.

    You lose – you keep breathing.

    You feel good – you keep breathing.

    You feel bad – you keep breathing.

    Whatever happens, you can keep breathing. And you can continue with what’s important to you.

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    #310 Normalize the habit first

    ByLukas

    Only when it has become normal to write every day can you truly think about what you want to say.

    Only when it has become normal to run every day can you truly think about the record time you want to run.

    Only when it has become normal to practice yoga every day can you truly think about what it means to perform a pose.

    First, you normalize the habit. Then you get the freedom to hone the skill.

  • |

    #303 Why you do what you do

    ByLukas

    I don’t know yet what I want to say today, and I write anyway.

    I write anyway because it’s the only way to figure out what I want to say.

    I do yoga because it’s the only way to understand why yoga is important.

    I run because it’s the only way to figure out why running is worth it.

    I spend time with family because it’s the only way to understand why love is important.

    There’s no need to wait for reasons of motivation.

    You do what you do to figure out why you’re doing it.

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