#209 Self-improvement gap and a pressure trap

ByLukas

Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

And so the pressure mounts.

Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

—

To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

—

Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

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    #102 When dreams turn into certainties

    ByLukas

    Elon Musk has the rock-solid belief that someday, he’s going to put people on Mars. He doesn’t hope for it. He believes it’s inevitable.

    Whether his belief becomes a reality or not is irrelevant. What matters are the actions and grit his faith inspires in him and everyone working with him.

    That’s the rock-solid determination extraordinary feats are built on.

    But you don’t have to dream of interplanetary travel to reach stellar levels of determination.

    What would you do if writing a new book isn’t just optional or desirable but inevitable?

    What would you do if mastering an instrument isn’t just possible but inescapable?

    What happens when, in your mind, you turn a dream into a certainty?

    How does that change your actions? Mindset? Beliefs? Feelings?

    How much easier does it become to persevere?

  • #151 Habit hardliners vs Elastic Discipline

    ByLukas

    If I don’t meditate today, will I ever become a consistent practitioner?

    If I don’t go for that run today, will I ever become a runner?

    If I don’t stick to my diet today, will I ever get in shape?

    There’s a time and place for being a hardliner about your habits – the first 30-45 days when the naysayer voice in your head still says, “let’s see how long it takes before I give up again.”

    After all, you’re building a new identity and will still be pulled back towards your old ways.

    But at some point, hardliners need to make the switch to “elastic discipline“:

    Being disciplined about your daily practice while trusting yourself enough that when life inevitably puts you in a situation where you HAVE to violate your principles, you can navigate it, adjust your behavior, and afterward, like an elastic band, bounce back to your disciplined practice.

    This is an overlooked part of habit-building. Because if you don’t consciously build the self-trust that you can, in fact, persevere despite setbacks, you’ll live in fear of giving up forever.

    So initially, when you start a new habit, be a hardliner.

    Use Tiny Trust Builders to start building confidence in your ability to persevere.

    After 30 days, start asking yourself: do I trust myself enough to skip a day and then bounce back to my disciplined practice tomorrow?

    Skip a day, then start again.

    Build self-trust.

    Feel your confidence and self-worth grow.

    Cultivate “elastic discipline” and become free.

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    #70 Day 70 – This Is My Path

    ByLukas

    Daily blog post number 70.

    Sometimes I’m frustrated I get less “work” done than before I started publishing daily posts.

    Until I remind myself: who do I want to be?

    A writer. Who writes. And publishes his writing. Every single day.

    Then I realize: it’s not just who I want to be anymore, but who I choose to be. Every single day.

    This is my path.

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    #101 It’s all about the actions

    ByLukas

    Achieving an outcome without the daily actions that lead to an identity shift is empty and unsustainable.

    I may want to publish a book. But if someone writes the whole book without my input and I put my name on it in the end, do I deserve to call it my book?

    I have a book. But I’m not a writer. And I’m not an author.

    I may want to have a million dollars. But if tomorrow I win the lottery or receive a large inheritance without any action from my side, what does that mean?

    I have a million dollars. But I’m not wealthy – and research suggests that without proper guidance, I’ll spend it all, ending up back at square one.

    It works the other way around, too. You can blindly chase an outcome (or slip into bad habits) without considering how the actions you need to take to get there will change you as a person.

    Depending on your actions to get there, chasing fame can make you happy – or very unhappy. Writing a book can make you happy or very unhappy. Building a hugely successful company can make you happy or very unhappy.

    The value, satisfaction, and resentment are all in the actions, not the outcome.

  • #360 The key to creating everything you ever wanted

    ByLukas

    If you wouldn’t see overwhelming results in your first 30 days of writing, working out, dieting, or learning an instrument, would you still show up?

    Are you okay with small, almost invisible gains because the process of learning, creating, practicing is fulfilling enough in itself?

    And if not, could you be okay with that, if you knew it was the key to learning or creating anything you ever wanted?

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