#197 Reminders upon reminders upon reminders

ByLukas
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Intentional living is about reminding yourself of what’s most important to you.

Reminding yourself that you can choose to be a writer, a runner, a musician, an artist, or a bon vivant.

Reminding yourself that you can choose to be kind to others.

Reminding yourself that you have a choice to act differently.

Reminding yourself that the past does not equal the future.

Reminding yourself that this, too, shall pass.

Reminding yourself that at any given moment, whatever reminder you need the most, you likely won’t think of yourself.

Reminding yourself that for this reason, it’s OK to get help and let someone else remind you with short daily notes.

And me, reminding myself that the act of writing daily reminders for you is the reminder I need to remember that I do, in fact, choose to be consistent, and I choose to be a writer.

Reminders upon reminders upon reminders that we will constantly get distracted, and we will always have the choice to come back to what truly matters.

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    #56 Action, traction, distraction

    ByLukas

    At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.

    If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.

    Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?

    I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.

    I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.

    And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)

    If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.

    The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.

    Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

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    #68 The sitcom comparison

    ByLukas

    Watching a sitcom or soap opera episode takes 20 minutes – and somehow, we always seem to find time for it.

    Doing some stretches or a quick workout can take as little as 15 minutes – yet somehow, it’s very hard to find time for it.

    Many good habits take take less time than watching a sitcom – and during and after, they’re often quite enjoyable. But our mind makes it so hard to start.

    Whenever something that’s good for you feels insurmountable and your mind starts playing tricks on you, put it into perspective.

    Doing this thing will take less time than watching a sitcom.

    Maybe I could even do it while watching the sitcom.

    And doing it will be a vote for the person I want to become.

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    #282 You can write every day

    ByLukas

    If you truly believe you can write every day – not that it is generally possible to write every day, but that YOU can write every day – you would be doing it already.

    So if you’re not, ask yourself:

    Do you believe YOU can write every day?

    If not, why not?

    Is it physically impossible for you to write something every day? A page, a paragraph, a sentence… a word?

    Deep down, you know the answer to that question.

    And now we’ve established you can write every day; what other excuses come up?

    That the work won’t be good?

    That the words won’t capture what you want to say?

    That you’ll disappoint others?

    That you’ll disappoint yourself?

    Put words to your fears, then ask yourself: what would happen if they all came true?

    Would that stop you from writing? Or would it liberate you?

    Would you maybe be just fine?

    What would it be like to have overcome your fears and still be writing anyway?

    Only one way to find out…

    Write. Every. Day.

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    #161 It’s not that complicated.

    ByLukas

    If you want to be a writer, write wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a writer and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    If you want to be a runner, run wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a runner and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    If you want to be there for your family, start being there for them wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a family guy and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    Elastic discipline.

  • #151 Habit hardliners vs Elastic Discipline

    ByLukas

    If I don’t meditate today, will I ever become a consistent practitioner?

    If I don’t go for that run today, will I ever become a runner?

    If I don’t stick to my diet today, will I ever get in shape?

    There’s a time and place for being a hardliner about your habits – the first 30-45 days when the naysayer voice in your head still says, “let’s see how long it takes before I give up again.”

    After all, you’re building a new identity and will still be pulled back towards your old ways.

    But at some point, hardliners need to make the switch to “elastic discipline“:

    Being disciplined about your daily practice while trusting yourself enough that when life inevitably puts you in a situation where you HAVE to violate your principles, you can navigate it, adjust your behavior, and afterward, like an elastic band, bounce back to your disciplined practice.

    This is an overlooked part of habit-building. Because if you don’t consciously build the self-trust that you can, in fact, persevere despite setbacks, you’ll live in fear of giving up forever.

    So initially, when you start a new habit, be a hardliner.

    Use Tiny Trust Builders to start building confidence in your ability to persevere.

    After 30 days, start asking yourself: do I trust myself enough to skip a day and then bounce back to my disciplined practice tomorrow?

    Skip a day, then start again.

    Build self-trust.

    Feel your confidence and self-worth grow.

    Cultivate “elastic discipline” and become free.

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