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    #105 The Fulfillment Formula

    My sense of fulfillment comes from taking daily actions that are aligned with a personal philosophy and a purpose I intentionally determine.

    As life unfolds, my purpose can change. My values can change. I can feel over the moon, dreadful, and everything in between.

    My daily actions can change (and they certainly won’t always be aligned with my personal philosophy).

    But the fulfillment formula always stays the same.

    Are the majority of my daily actions in alignment with my purpose, values, and the identity I want to forge?

    A consequence of this formula: Without clear purpose, without consciously choosing values or designing a personal philosophy, without knowing what you stand for and who you choose to be, it’s hard to feel fulfilled.

    In short: intentional, aligned, disciplined living and identity building helps to feel fulfilled.

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #130 The perfect excuse

    Perfectionism is the perfect excuse for not showing up.

    If you don’t publish because you’re waiting for the perfect blog post, you’ll hide behind your desk forever – because there’ll always be something you can improve.

    If you don’t go for a walk because you’re waiting for the perfect weather, you’ll be stuck forever inside – because there’ll always be a day with more sunshine or a nicer breeze.

    If you wait to live the life you desire until you have the perfect age, amount of money, degree, or partner, you’ll wait until it’s too late to enjoy your life in the first place.

    If you know things will never be perfect anyway, and you’re not allowed to wait until they’re perfect, or even until they’re “good enough”…

    What could you start doing today? What have you been putting off?

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    #65 The Secret to Sticking to Your Habits

    I don’t wake up every day in love with the prospect of writing a blog post.

    But I do love that part of my identity is that I publish something every day.

    By not publishing, I would lose that part of my identity and end up frustrated because I gave up something I enjoy. And that’s painful.

    So I write.

    The secret to sticking to your habits: make the pain of quitting bigger than the pain of getting over the resistance against doing what you know is good for you.

    Because the pain of discipline is always easier to bear than the pain of regret.

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