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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #81 Am I willing?

    I can say I want to publish a new book.

    Double my income.

    Get in shape.

    Learn another language.

    But hidden beneath the surface of lofty goals are daily actions.

    Publishing a book… What does that really mean?

    Who is that person who has published the book? (Not just written… actually published?)

    What do they say to themselves?

    What do they think?

    What do they feel?

    What do they do every day? And what can I start doing every day to become more of that person who has written that book?

    Most importantly, am I willing to take those actions every day to reach whatever goal I’m after?

    Am I willing to change?

    If not, is that goal even important to me?

    Who do I choose to be?

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    #59 Entity Mindset vs Incremental Mindset

    Do you believe you’re good at something solely because of talent, invalidating all the work you’re putting in?

    Or do you believe you can change the course of your life, and let your daily actions shape who you are?

    The American psychologist and author of the book “Mindset” Carol Dweck describes how the way you think about your abilities can make or break your success in life:

    • Entity (fixed) mindset: “I’m good at languages, I’m bad at math”
    • Incremental (growth) mindset: “I worked hard on this, I’m learning, I’m discovering how to do this”

    An entity mindset makes you run into a wall

    When things get tough, people with an entity mindset often give up, because they don’t truly believe they can get much better.

    After all,I if you believe it’s all about innate ability, then why make any effort to develop strengths or weaknesses?

    An entity mindset also leads to fear of failure and perfectionism. If you’re believed to have an innate, fixed talent that’s set in stone, you’ll constantly need to live up to an unreasonably high standard for that particular talent.

    An incremental mindset makes you thrive

    People with an incremental mindset, on the other hand, thrive in tough situations: they know that through perseverance and a focus on daily practice and perseverance they can develop their skills and talents.

    Even if predisposition plays an important role, switching to an incremental mindset will always make you feel better about yourself and your daily actions.

    And while education and childhood experiences have a large impact on your mindset – you can always change your mind – by changing your actions.

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    #88 I write every day to understand what I want to say

    I basically write the same song over and over, but they’re just verses of this one really long one. I’m trying to figure it out.

    The Tallest Man on Earth

    I write every day so I start to understand what I really want to say.

    I don’t usually get it right on the first try; maybe I’m not even getting close after 100 iterations.

    And that’s fine.

    There probably won’t be one post that captures it all.

    Maybe understanding emerges from whole of the 100 iterations instead?

    Sculpting away, day by day.

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    #66 Scarcity is like pollution

    Some days I have ten ideas to write about. Some days, zero.

    But when I lack ideas to write about, the ideas aren’t really gone. I’m in a scarcity state: my brain chemistry prevents me from accessing the insights.

    When I feel lonely, friends and family I can connect with aren’t really gone. I’m in a scarcity state: my brain chemistry prevents me from connecting with them.

    Scarcity is like pollution.

    When noise pollution of cars, planes and construction machines drown out the singing of the birds, the birds aren’t really gone. I just can’t hear them.

    When light pollution drowns out the stars, they’re not really gone. I just can’t see them.

    So how do I get out of scarcity? How do I reduce pollution?

    Here’s what works for me:

    Notice I’m in scarcity mode. Then move. Meditate. Do stream-of-consciousness journaling.

    Then find a place where I hear the birds.
    Find a place where I can see the stars.
    Write anyway.
    And connect with friends and family anyway.

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