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    #25 Pre-emptive disqualification

    In the series of self-sabotaging behavior I’ve observed in myself and others: “pre-emptively disqualifying yourself”.

    Before you even start, you’re depriving yourself already of any potential benefit of the exercise because you don’t know if you’ll get the EXACT benefit promised/desired by you.

    “This exercise might have cured your neck pain, but I’ve always had neck problems, it won’t chage anything.”

    “You might be able to write every day, but for me, in my situation, that would never be possible.”

    This shows a lack of understanding of learning principles. Because with any exercise, program, diet, methodology, you’ll never get the exact same results as someone else, because you can never replicate the exact circumstances and actions of a person.

    Instead, you do the exercise/program/diet/… within the framework of your own personal context/skills/past experience. Within that context, it will guide your learning process. But the outcome resulting from it is personal.

    Variance is to be expected, and this is a good thing. Because this is how innovation happens: actions in different types of circumstances lead to slightly different results. Sometime that leads to disappointment, sometimes to real breakthroughs.

    Getting different results, then, is not a reason to pre-emptively disqualify yourself, or to claim something doesn’t work. Because the true value doesn’t lie in getting the exact same results as someone else, but rather, to consciously set the general direction of our lives.

    Every day, we have to make so many decisions that lead us down different future paths, so modeling someone and using their actions as a guiding principle will greatly increase the probability of you going in the direction you desire, and getting results in the same ballpark.

    For example, I’ve been doing Dylan Werner’s yoga classes on Alo Moves (my go-to online yoga/fitness/meditation app) consistently for almost two years now. Even if I continue to follow his exact schedule for two more years, chances are, I still might not be able to do something like this:

    After all, we have a different body structure, different gene disposition, different circumstances, and I’ll have to adapt his schedule to my personal capacity.

    Still, if I follow his schedule I’ll definitely become much stronger and healthier than if I chose to model a couch potato, watch TV and eat fries and burgers all day. And that’s what it’s all about.

    Modeling, in that point of view, are an effective way to accelerate your progress and lead your life in the direction you want, without you having to know exactly which results you’ll get.

    In other words: when you let go of the need to predict exact future outcomes, you can stop pre-emptively disqualifying yourself, and start pro-actively setting the direction of your life.

  • #224 What a burden

    The other day, I talked about changing your focus to change how you feel about the events in your day.

    But something strange happened when I first had that realization.

    It didn’t feel like a relief.

    Do I even want that responsibility? To choose how events affect me?

    After all, that would take away my right to complain about how poorly life treats me.
    I couldn’t ascribe any successes or achievements to “sheer luck” anymore.
    And wouldn’t it be silly to say I don’t deserve happiness, luck, or anything good if I knew I could change my focus and be lucky this very moment?

    What a burden.


    I’m still deciding if I am strong enough to carry it.

    But one thing’s for sure: the days I have the presence of mind to direct my focus are the days I feel best.

    I wonder if it’d be like that for you, too.

    Maybe you could try it out? Even if it’s to indulge me.

    See how it feels.

    And let me know how it goes. I’m curious about you.

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    #168 Purposeful pursuits

    I made an account on Instagram to stay in touch with friends abroad. Now I habitually spend hours a day scrolling through Instagram feeds. Is this a purposeful pursuit?

    I started journaling to clear my head. Now I habitually write and publish insights every day. Is this a purposeful pursuit?

    Good intentions and purposeful actions inevitably turn into a habit, and that can be a good or a bad thing.

    Constantly questioning our actions leads to paralysis.

    But once in a while, gaining presence and reaffirming your intentions can be enough to put you back on track.

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    #122 You don’t have to. But you could.

    You don’t have to become a writer. But you could. Even if you don’t believe it yet.

    And if knowing that you could makes you restless…

    If the fact that it’s possible makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up…

    If a persistent “What if” keeps echoing through your mind…

    Then maybe you should become a writer.


    Similarly, you don’t have to be passionate about anything. But you could.

    And if you could… what would you be passionate about?

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    #214 Who’s in charge right now?

    Habit hardliner. Epicurean. Ruthless achiever. Compassionate pushover.

    I identify with all of the above, my friend. And even though they can all be positive, I’m pretty good at letting those qualities shine in the wrong situations.

    The habit hardliner over-disciplining themselves and those around them.

    The epicurean making indulgent food decisions every day.

    The ruthless achiever neglecting their family.

    The compassionate guy being a pushover in business negotiations.

    So more out of necessity than ambition, I started asking myself: Who’s in charge right now?

    Are they the adequate identity to be in charge in whatever situation you’re in?

    It’s insightful. Not always fun. But insightful.

    And as you know by now, I like to share insights with you, my friend. Because who knows, maybe one day, one of these insights will be enlightening to you, too?

    So I invite you to give it a try.

    Right here, right now: who’s in charge?

    Maybe you’ve let some of your qualities shine in the wrong situations too.

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