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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #39 Knowledge transfer and time collapse

    Knowledge transfer always implies time collapse. Because learning an insight from someone else usually takes less long than figuring it out yourself.

    Take books. The writer usually spent considerable time researching and distilling the topic and coming to good insights (time I might not be able to dedicate).

    Thanks to that writer, I can now consume that knowledge in, say 6-12 hours of reading the book. A considerable time collapse…

    But when does time collapse go to far?

    Can I read a 1-page summary of that book and truly say I grasp the topic?

    When your brain gets space to breathe, knowledge grows and nuance shows. It needs time and repeated exposure to absorb information, make connections, and discover new insights.

    So a one-page summary isn’t necessarily too shallow… On the contrary: it collapses time so much that information becomes very dense.

    What with the evolution towards short-form online content? The primary purpose of TikTok videos and Instagram reels might be to entertain, but the trend is clear and spills over into education, our attention span, and knowledge transfer: shorter, more shallow, yet more dense.

    Too little time collapse and we can’t make progress.
    Too much time collapse and knowledge collapses with it.

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    #59 Entity Mindset vs Incremental Mindset

    Do you believe you’re good at something solely because of talent, invalidating all the work you’re putting in?

    Or do you believe you can change the course of your life, and let your daily actions shape who you are?

    The American psychologist and author of the book “Mindset” Carol Dweck describes how the way you think about your abilities can make or break your success in life:

    • Entity (fixed) mindset: “I’m good at languages, I’m bad at math”
    • Incremental (growth) mindset: “I worked hard on this, I’m learning, I’m discovering how to do this”

    An entity mindset makes you run into a wall

    When things get tough, people with an entity mindset often give up, because they don’t truly believe they can get much better.

    After all,I if you believe it’s all about innate ability, then why make any effort to develop strengths or weaknesses?

    An entity mindset also leads to fear of failure and perfectionism. If you’re believed to have an innate, fixed talent that’s set in stone, you’ll constantly need to live up to an unreasonably high standard for that particular talent.

    An incremental mindset makes you thrive

    People with an incremental mindset, on the other hand, thrive in tough situations: they know that through perseverance and a focus on daily practice and perseverance they can develop their skills and talents.

    Even if predisposition plays an important role, switching to an incremental mindset will always make you feel better about yourself and your daily actions.

    And while education and childhood experiences have a large impact on your mindset – you can always change your mind – by changing your actions.

  • #448 What would you like to become good at?

    What would you like to become good at?

    Why do you want to become good at this? Passion? Purpose? Impressing others?

    Are you willing to spend a lot of time to become good at this?

    Are you willing to give up other things to become good at this?

    Are you making life harder for yourself by trying to become good at this?

    Is that worth it?

    The question that rules them all:

    How easy was it to answer the questions above?

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