#106 Pick your freedom battles

ByLukas
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Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.

They want the freedom to set their own constraints.

To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”

To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”

To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”

To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”

Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.

Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.

Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?

Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?

Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?

Pick your freedom battles.

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    #162 Maintaining the majority

    ByLukas

    If you write more consistently than you don’t write, you’re a writer.

    If you run more consistently than you don’t run, you’re a runner.

    And while every action you take is a vote for who you want to be, you don’t need 100% of the votes to build a habit or adopt an identity.

    It’s okay to slip up, it’s okay to take a break, and it’s okay to make a mistake – as long as you cast enough votes in favor of your desired identity.

    Don’t be a hardliner nor a totalitarian. Be disciplined without fearing the occasional laps.

    Focus on maintaining the majority.

  • |

    #288 The one constraint that makes everything better

    ByLukas

    What’s the one Tiny Trust Builder you can do for yourself; one little thing thing that makes you feel good about yourself, and because you feel good, you’re good to other around you too?

    What’s that one small constraint YOU decide to put on your day that, when protected fiercely, makes everything else so much better?

    And if you know it makes everything better and you aren’t protecting it fiercely yet – why not?

    Could you start today?

  • |

    #226 Making all the selves get along

    ByLukas

    “Is this really important right now?” I ask myself, as another distraction passes through my head.

    I imagine an old wise man, disturbed from his task at hand, looking up.

    “No? Can you come back later then, at a more appropriate time? Thank you very much.”

    Back to work he goes.

    “Is this really a life-threatening event?” I ask myself, as another anxiety-inducing thought intrudes my mind.

    I imagine the same old wise man, fending off a harassing distraction.

    “No? Can you come back with a message more appropriate to the severity of the event? Thank you very much.”

    On with life he goes.

    If only it were that easy, my friend.

    The distracted, anxious, worried mind tends to fight back. I’m taking the liberty to assume you’ve also noticed that at some point in your life.

    Nevertheless, I believe we can, nay, we must fight back.

    Not that I’m advocating suppression.

    Excited, worried, sanguine, anxious, passionate, defeated: let them have their moment of attention – at the appropriate time.

    Maybe it’s all about the art of making all the selves get along?

    I imagine the old wise man, who has mastered that art.

    I know I’m not that old wise man yet.

    But I could be, if I make it a point to practice every day.

    And so could you, if you make it a point to practice every day.

    If that’s something that’s important to you, of course. That’s for you to decide, in your personal situation and in your personal life.

  • |

    #216 Outward Proof of Inner Victories

    ByLukas

    Sometimes I ask myself if you are asking yourself why I write you a short note every day, my friend.

    Maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, and you’ve never asked yourself that question.

    But I will answer it anyway, so let’s pretend you have.

    Here’s the socially acceptable answer: for more than 200 days, I’ve been writing you a short note every day to remind you to make intelligent decisions about your life and who you want to be.

    But as so often with us humans, the honest answer is more self-centered: I write you a short note every day to remind myself to make intelligent decisions about my life and who I want to be.

    The fact that some insights are helpful to you is a nice bonus. But I would also write them if you have yet to read a single one of these insights.

    Because to me, writing every day is a rallying cry for myself in an invisible battle that nobody might ever see – because it only exists in my head.

    A battle against frustration, giving up, limiting beliefs, and a cage of social conditioning from which it’s hard to break free.

    A battle to become who I’ve always wanted to be.

    Yes, every note I write to you, my friend, is outward proof of a tiny inner victory, taking tiny steps towards more self-trust and fulfillment.

    You may tell me I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, especially not myself.

    And you may be right.

    But I also know that we all have our battles to fight.

    Battles about what we believe we deserve or not.

    What we think we can do or not.

    What we believe is possible for us or not.

    What we desire.

    Who we can be.

    So while you might not be asking yourself why I write you something every day, I am asking myself which battles you are fighting.

    I am looking for outward proof of your inner victories.

    Whatever they are, when you shine a light on your invisible battles, I’ll be here to cheer you on.

  • #440 How to make choices that stand the test of time

    ByLukas

    Victory passes.
    So does defeat.

    Exhaustion passes.
    So does excitement.

    And because it all passes, the highest peaks and lowest lows are probably not your most reliable guides to make life decisions.

    Take a step back.

    Wait until the emotions pass and you see clearly again.

    Then you can make choices that stand the test of time.

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