#175 Perpetuating painful comfort

ByLukas
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We naturally move towards pleasure and away from pain – with one exception: painful comfort.

If you’re used to believing that you’re bad at languages, there’s painful comfort in struggling with languages.

If you’re used to negative self-talk, there’s painful comfort in negative self-talk.

If you’re used to working 12-hour days, there’s painful comfort in working 12-hour days.

If you’re used to constant conflict, there’s painful comfort in constant conflict.

If you’re used to neglect, there’s painful comfort in neglect.

Painful comfort is keeping you comfortable AND hurting you.

Years of conditioning have given it an irresistible pull – until you decide to take a leap of faith and start believing that you, too, can change.

Where are you perpetuating painful comfort in life?

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    ByLukas

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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    #188 Predictable pathways

    ByLukas

    Eating junk food for dinner. Because that’s what you always did.

    Having home-grown vegetables for lunch. Because that’s what you always did.

    Scrolling through social media apps for 20 minutes. Because that’s what you always did.

    Meditating for 20 minutes every morning. Because that’s what you always did.

    Working 15-hour days. Because that’s what you always did.

    Taking the time to relax, let the mind wander, and be with family. Because that’s what you always did.

    Our lives are full of predictable pathways, paved and reinforced by our past and present actions.

    But not all pathways are desirable.

    Luckily the past doesn’t equal the future.

    You can change your present actions to change the course of your pathway, away from a predictable future towards a desirable future.

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    #292 The obstacle course hidden beneath your goals

    ByLukas

    If you think you know how to write a story but never do it, do you really know how to write a story?

    If you think you know how to do a yoga pose but never do it, do you really know how to do that yoga pose?

    If you think you know how to apologize for a mistake but never do it, do you really know how to apologize?

    If you know what you want to do but aren’t doing it, do you really know what you want?

    Because hidden beneath your goals and technical step-by-step instructions to accomplish them, there’s an obstacle course of personal context, personal beliefs, past experiences, and emotions.

    And these, you won’t discover in books or videos.

    These, you’ll encounter by doing.

    And these, you’ll conquer by doing.

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