#238 A path paved by Tiny Trust Builders

ByLukas
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My actions affect my identity and beliefs.

And my identity and beliefs affect which actions I take.

So, to change, I must consciously take actions that divert from my established identity and beliefs, and do what you believe is impossible for yourself.

Until it’s not impossible anymore.

It’s not an easy road, my friend. It takes courage. Effort. Sometimes pain.

Many times, it’s not worth it.

But sometimes, there’s no other way.

And in those moments, it’s good to know there’s always someone willing to show you a path, paved by Tiny Trust Builders, taking you wherever you want to go.

Since you’re reading my letters, that someone could be me, my friend.

Or anyone else you know.

I guess all I want to say is: you’re not in this alone.

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  • #460 Why do the right thing?

    ByLukas

    Write, not for the words flowing on the page, but for how writing makes you feel.

    Run, not for the personal records, but for how running makes you feel.

    Help out friends, not for expecting them to return the favor, but for how helping out friends makes you feel.

    Do the right thing, not for any outer reward, but an inner feeling of aligning with who you want to be.

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    #22 Actions Overrule Thoughts

    ByLukas

    One of the most potent drivers of change AND perpetuators of old habits is cognitive dissonance:

    In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it. Relevant items of information include a person’s actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance is typically experienced as psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of those things.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

    What’s interesting about cognitive dissonance is that both “sides” of the dissonance are not equal:

    If you think one thing, but you do something else, eventually you’ll start believing what you do, not what you think.

    In other words: actions overrule thoughts.

    1. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) and I don’t write a daily post (action), I perpetuate the belief.
    2. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) but I gain enough courage and I actually do write a daily post (action), I will start shifting my belief towards the actions I’m taking. In other words: I’ll start believing I can write a daily post.
    3. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought), but I never actually write that daily post (action), then my belief will start shifting again, and I’ll start believing I can’t write a daily post.
    4. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought) and I do write a daily post (action), my belief grows stronger.

    We usually start in the first scenario until we gain enough leverage over ourselves to change our actions. The moment we change our actions to actions that conflict with our thoughts/beliefs, we’re creating cognitive dissonance.

    Then, if we follow through with our new actions, our beliefs start to change.

    The big turning point is that moment where you start taking a different action.

    Which begs the question:

    • How can we gain enough leverage over ourselves to go against our beliefs and change our actions for the better?
    • How can we make it so important to us to change (or so painful NOT to change) that we start taking different actions?

    Identify your leverage points that jolt you into action, and you gain power over your beliefs and identity.

  • |

    #270 How to gain trust, acceptance, and comfort

    ByLukas

    It’s hard not to trust someone who fully trusts themselves.

    But it’s hard not to accept someone who fully accepts themselves.

    It’s hard not to be at ease around someone fully at ease with themselves.

    In other words: if you want others to trust, accept, and be at ease with you, first learn to trust, accept, and be at ease with yourself.

    You don’t need anyone else for that – just some tiny daily actions that prove that trust, acceptance, and comfort to yourself.

    Oh, and you could start with that today.

    You don’t have to.

    But you could. And if you could, why wouldn’t you?

  • |

    #31 Ignore, then highlight more

    ByLukas

    A daily insight from Tony Robbins:

    Wherever focus goes, energy flows.

    Tony Robbins, https://www.tonyrobbins.com/career-business/where-focus-goes-energy-flows/

    We’re always ignoring and highlighting parts of our experience to make sense of the world – and it determines the way we feel.

    To feel bad, you (temporarily) have to ignore all the events and things you consider positive.

    To feel good, you (temporarily) have to ignore events and circumstances that can be challenging.

    It all depends on context.

    Sometimes, just to function, it’s necessary to ignore.

    Sometimes you’re better off highlighting a bit more.

    The big challenge: most of the time, we’re not aware of where our focus goes – so we let old habits and patterns decide how we feel – even if they don’t serve us at all.

    Here’s an exercise I found useful: Tomorrow, focus on something that’s important for you once an hour (a post-it on your desk or a reminder on your phone can be useful). That way, it remains top of mind (and your energy will flow toward it).

    Every hour, also take a moment to become aware of what you’re deleting from your experience, and what you’re highlighting.

    • What am I trying to do today?
    • What am I trying to do right now?
    • What’s important to me?
    • What do I want to focus on… what do I intentionally ignore?
  • | |

    #129 When the going gets tough

    ByLukas

    When I’m inspired, I write.

    When I’m over the moon, I write.

    When I’m frustrated, I write.

    When I’m sad, I write.

    When I’m angry, I write.

    When I’m so overwhelmed I don’t want to do anything at all, I write.

    Because when the tides of life get rough, a consistent practice is your life raft.

    Writing, running, yoga, music, walking, gardening, knitting, dancing, singing, surfing…

    You not only build trust in such habits and practices to achieve lofty goals but also – even more so – to fall back on when the going gets tough, and you need a beacon of stability to keep you afloat.

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