#97 Not loneliness. Solitude.

In the pursuit of our ambitions, we often create intricate plans, detailed routines, and exhaustive checklists.

But when these complexities start to feel more like obstacles than aids, it might be time to strip things back.

Where are you overcomplicating? Is it in the planning, the execution, or perhaps the goal itself?

Seeking the simplest way is not always the easiest. But more often than not, it’s the most effective.

We naturally move towards pleasure and away from pain – with one exception: painful comfort.

If you’re used to believing that you’re bad at languages, there’s painful comfort in struggling with languages.

If you’re used to negative self-talk, there’s painful comfort in negative self-talk.

If you’re used to working 12-hour days, there’s painful comfort in working 12-hour days.

If you’re used to constant conflict, there’s painful comfort in constant conflict.

If you’re used to neglect, there’s painful comfort in neglect.

Painful comfort is keeping you comfortable AND hurting you.

Years of conditioning have given it an irresistible pull – until you decide to take a leap of faith and start believing that you, too, can change.

Where are you perpetuating painful comfort in life?

Not all tasks and activities we must do feel fulfilling or rewarding. There’s no way out of busy work.

But we can avoid prioritizing and attracting it to the expense of work that matters.

Enter the hour of misery.

One hour of busy work and chores a day.

60 minutes. Not more. But also not less.

If, after 60 minutes of misery, you feel like you should do much more, it’s time to realign priorities.

Delegate.

OR come to terms with the fact that you’ll never finish the pile of busy work tasks – then carry on with the important stuff anyway.

After all, tomorrow’s another day.

Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
4. Habits shape your identity.

“Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

Intentional living and identity building look like this:

1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

“While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.