#509 There’s no way you won’t grow
You may win, lose, fly high, fall low
You may have it easy or hard
But come what may
There is no way you won’t grow.
You may win, lose, fly high, fall low
You may have it easy or hard
But come what may
There is no way you won’t grow.
Nobody says you should take time every day to disconnect from the world and listen to your stream of consciousness.
But let’s say you would.
What do you hear?
Desires? Fear?
A blurry memory, now suddenly clear?
A cry for help to which you’ve turned a deaf ear?
That fierce inner voice just wants you to be, listen, persevere,
and tell it
You’re safe. I hear you. I’m here.
When you make space to listen to yourself and let solitude soothe you, fear melts away and you might just find something that makes you want to put your heart on the line.
You don’t have to believe you can do, be or achieve something today.
But you must trust there’s always a tiny daily action, fairly easy to take, that goes against your disbelief.
A tiny daily trusty builder, repeated every day, that chips away at your skepticism and plants a seed of self-trust in your brain: “Maybe I CAN change”?
Then one day, you wake up and you believe: I can be whoever I choose to be.
Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.
But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.
Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.
When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.
And so the pressure mounts.
Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.
Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.
Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.
—
To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).
Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.
Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.
Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.
—
Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.
Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.
Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.
Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.
When you do what you love, there are no more excuses that “you’d rather be doing something else.”
Which means there are no more excuses not to give it your best.
Being away from your that shelter of excuses can be scary. Or liberating. The choice is yours.
Every time I commit to do something and then follow through, I’m building self-trust in my ability to persevere (because actions overrule thoughts).
Now here’s the pitfall: the action you commit to doesn’t have to be grand or impressive for you to build trust.
There’s only one thing that matters: commit, then follow through.
I set out to meditate 30 seconds today – and I follow through? I’m building self-trust. I’m a meditator now.
I set out to write one sentence – and I actually write one sentence? I’m building self-trust. I’m a writer now.
I set out to do one push-up – and I do one push-up? I’m building self-trust. I’m an exerciser now.
Such tiny actions might not make a huge difference in your skill level, but that’s irrelevant. You’re not building skill (yet). You’re building self-trust by making commitments, then following through.
Once you trust yourself to follow through, you can start thinking about skill. That’s the flow of skill- and habit-building.
So… first things first. Commit to a tiny action. Follow through. Build self-trust and self-esteem.
The magic is in the Tiny Trust Builders.
All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone
Blaise Pascal, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/19682-all-of-humanity-s-problems-stem-from-man-s-inability-to-sit
We often equate sitting quietly in a room alone with loneliness: a word with a negative emotional charge.
But sitting quietly in a room can also bring solitude: the simple state of being by yourself, without any negative connotation.
Solitude can give relief of the pressure to be constantly “socializing” (through social media apps or in real life).
Relief of the pressure to socialize can make space.
Space you can use to hear the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your body.
Thoughts and feelings that can tell you what’s truly important to you.
And then you realize that what’s truly important to you is nothing new.
It’s something you already knew, before you learned not to listen.