#123 Never again

ByLukas
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What gets you going – and what keeps you going?

Pain. Pleasure. Usually, a combination of both.

I like being disciplined – it gives me pleasure.

I also know very well that I don’t want to go back to jumping from one project to another, giving up before reaching any meaningful level of skill or results, and ending up frustrated with myself – the thought alone is painful.

The pain often gets you going, later to be joined by pleasure in a cocktail of motivation, discipline, and persistence.

And in this case, strong emotions, passion, and yes, also pain, often lead to more leverage – if you allow yourself to see the lessons it can teach you.

I never want to be that person again – which helped me figure out that I really want to be this person.

Living your never again might well help you figure out your yes, for as long as I shall live.

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    #99 Why bother to journal?

    ByLukas

    Stream Of Consciousness writing isn’t about what you write. It’s about the very fact that you’re writing.

    Nobody cares about the words on the pages. Nobody will read them anyway. Neither should you.

    This is not a novel. This is not a love song. This is not a poem. This is but an externalization of your mind’s chatter. Ugly, pretty, insightful, bland. It doesn’t matter.

    There’s no great work. Nor is there any bad work. No high standards, no judgment. Nothing but what flows out of your mind.

    So if none of it matters… why bother to write Stream of Consciousness?

    Because it forces you to slow down.

    Because it forces you to pay attention to what’s on your mind.

    Because it forces you to listen to the way you talk to yourself.

    Because it helps you get all the overwhelming thoughts and worries out of your system.

    Because it helps you gain clarity.

    And because sometimes, insights emerge. Not necessarily in the words on the page. But due to the fact that you’re writing the words on the page.

    Stream Of Consciousness journaling is writing. Venting. Self-therapy. Problem-solving. Meditation. Goal-setting. Creative liberation. And anything else you want it to be.

    Because you have all of that in you already – if only you’d re-learn to listen.

    And listening to yourself, it turns out, is much easier when you put it all on the page.

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    #221 How to appease the worrier mind

    ByLukas

    How likely is the scenario you’re worrying about?
    And how impactful or life-threatening is that scenario?
    Now, how much mental bandwidth is worrying about it taking up?
    Are your worries proportionate to the actual danger?
    Should you be worrying at all?
    If not, could you stop right away?

    Of course, you and I both know that’s not always how it works, my friend.

    Because even if we know rationally that we shouldn’t worry, the worrier mind tends to scoff at answering rational questions.

    Yet today, I had an insight: maybe those questions aren’t meant to dismiss the worrier mind at all but empower the sane mind, temporarily suppressed and overpowered?

    Maybe they can provide enough encouragement to make the sane mind stand up for itself again and say, “Enough is enough.”

    Maybe that way, the sane mind will put the worrier mind back in its place, reminding it of the only task where it truly shines: protect us from life-threatening risks.

    Or maybe not. I don’t know, my friend. You’ve seen me: I’m just another human with good days and bad—productive days and lazy. Days of irrational fears and worry, and days of relaxing, dreaming, and visioning.

    But this I do know: worrying too much has never improved my mood, and I doubt it has ever improved yours.

    So if you’ve had an overactive worrier mind lately, trying won’t hurt.

    Let me know how it goes.

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    #11 fixing a flawed faux finish

    ByLukas

    when the cracks in my faux finish
    finally appear
    my mind screams out
    you’re coming too near

    yet i resist the need to hide
    lean in to the fear
    let the cracks grow wide
    because after all these years
    slowly steadily submerged under layers of snow
    frozen frightened i don’t know where else to go

    i feel i’m sliding back into my head
    but you don’t let me
    instead
    you keep me here
    make even more light appear
    look at the fear
    until the icy flawed frozen faux finish finally fully melts away
    into a trembling torrent of tears

    and through the sobs
    subtle shining light teardrops
    mix mingle mend my mind
    my heart my soul a warmth so kind

    you guide my gaze and through the tears
    in my eyes a rainbow appears
    eclipsing the fear
    making it clear
    that when I dare to feel complete
    allow your heart and mine to meet

    i finally remember
    that I’m enough
    i’ve always been

    and at last
    i can be seen

    Lukas Van Vyve

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