#123 Never again

ByLukas
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What gets you going – and what keeps you going?

Pain. Pleasure. Usually, a combination of both.

I like being disciplined – it gives me pleasure.

I also know very well that I don’t want to go back to jumping from one project to another, giving up before reaching any meaningful level of skill or results, and ending up frustrated with myself – the thought alone is painful.

The pain often gets you going, later to be joined by pleasure in a cocktail of motivation, discipline, and persistence.

And in this case, strong emotions, passion, and yes, also pain, often lead to more leverage – if you allow yourself to see the lessons it can teach you.

I never want to be that person again – which helped me figure out that I really want to be this person.

Living your never again might well help you figure out your yes, for as long as I shall live.

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  • #9 Striking gold

    ByLukas

    I’ve tirelessly written at least 300 journal entries on the same topic in the belief that in the 301st, I’ll strike gold and find the exact words I’m looking for.

    And it took me a while to accept that that’s an illusion.

    Maybe every attempt is really just the same struggle to find the right words for ideas, thoughts, insights that were never meant to be captured into words in the first place?

    And yet I bend, I twist, I turn, I squirm,
    I write, re-write
    and never am I satisfied.

    I get closer, or so I think
    And then the next day, I jump back in
    and instantly sink.

    I need answers…
    Even though deep down I know,
    the only certainty is that I’ll never get them.

    Yet, I have to try.

    Because while every day of writing is a struggle, the true value lies in the daily struggle of writing.

    Although it might look like I’m not making progress, writing and creativity is just not a linear process.

    In reality, as long as a I write every day, I’m focusing my mind on what I’m trying to say. I’m sculpting away, and someway, somehow the essence will emerge from my 300 journal entries and reveal itself.

    How? I don’t know.

    When? I don’t know.

    Probably not while I’m writing (read why here)… even though the writing is what makes it possible.

    Anyway.

    Now I know day 1, 11, 50, 299, 300, 301, 3001 are all equally important…
    I’m finally ready to accept the struggle
    and write in peace.

  • #339 The fear that stops you the most

    ByLukas

    If you knew you’d always feel unsatisfied with what you write, would you still let satisfaction play a role in your writing process?

    If you knew your writing would always be criticized by others, no matter how good it is, would you still let their criticism determine whether you should publish?

    If you’d take the fear that stops you the most and rob it of its power, would you write and publish more?

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    #257 Not pleasant, but predictable

    ByLukas

    Getting worked up about traffic jams is not pleasant, but it’s predictable. And addictive.

    So is giving up on writing a book, quitting a workout regime, and re-living any conflict or failure.

    Not pleasant. But predictable.

    This is how you’ve always felt. And this is how you’ll always feel – unless you become aware of the unpleasant, predictable, addictive patterns and decide to act differently.

    Not only once, not twice, but every time you become aware of the pattern until you’ve built enough self-trust that you know the unpleasant predictable events aren’t inevitable.

  • #154 When results have become irrelevant

    ByLukas

    When technology and AI outpace us and we can’t be the best, smartest, fastest, strongest on the planet anymore – will we still care about our economic output?

    When results have become irrelevant, what are the things I will still want to do?

    Maybe we’ll rediscover value in our actions themselves and the pleasure and pain they make us feel – happy, sad, useful, worthless, brimming with purpose, overflowing with self-hatred…?

    Will I still write just because I enjoy writing, even if AI could write a better-researched, more insightful book than I ever could?

    Will I still learn a language just because learning a language makes me feel good, even if I could use an instant translation device to talk to anyone in the world?

    Will I still spend my days in an office cubicle if that’s a painful prospect?

    An era of soul-searching is coming.

  • | |

    #128 What do you hear?

    ByLukas

    Nobody says you should take time every day to disconnect from the world and listen to your stream of consciousness.

    But let’s say you would.

    What do you hear?

    Desires? Fear?

    A blurry memory, now suddenly clear?

    A cry for help to which you’ve turned a deaf ear?

    That fierce inner voice just wants you to be, listen, persevere,
    and tell it

    You’re safe. I hear you. I’m here.

    When you make space to listen to yourself and let solitude soothe you, fear melts away and you might just find something that makes you want to put your heart on the line.

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