#226 Making all the selves get along

ByLukas
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“Is this really important right now?” I ask myself, as another distraction passes through my head.

I imagine an old wise man, disturbed from his task at hand, looking up.

“No? Can you come back later then, at a more appropriate time? Thank you very much.”

Back to work he goes.

“Is this really a life-threatening event?” I ask myself, as another anxiety-inducing thought intrudes my mind.

I imagine the same old wise man, fending off a harassing distraction.

“No? Can you come back with a message more appropriate to the severity of the event? Thank you very much.”

On with life he goes.

If only it were that easy, my friend.

The distracted, anxious, worried mind tends to fight back. I’m taking the liberty to assume you’ve also noticed that at some point in your life.

Nevertheless, I believe we can, nay, we must fight back.

Not that I’m advocating suppression.

Excited, worried, sanguine, anxious, passionate, defeated: let them have their moment of attention – at the appropriate time.

Maybe it’s all about the art of making all the selves get along?

I imagine the old wise man, who has mastered that art.

I know I’m not that old wise man yet.

But I could be, if I make it a point to practice every day.

And so could you, if you make it a point to practice every day.

If that’s something that’s important to you, of course. That’s for you to decide, in your personal situation and in your personal life.

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    #295 When dreaming is enough

    ByLukas

    Do you really want to write a book? Or do you actually want to dream about writing a book?

    Do you really want to drop everything and move to a sea-side town? Or do you want to dream about dropping everything and move to a sea-side town?

    Both are fine. Both can be fulfilling, because often, having a dream is enough.

    But both are not the same.

    Only you will know if it’s the dream that makes you happy, or the action you want to take.

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    #88 I write every day to understand what I want to say

    ByLukas

    I basically write the same song over and over, but they’re just verses of this one really long one. I’m trying to figure it out.

    The Tallest Man on Earth

    I write every day so I start to understand what I really want to say.

    I don’t usually get it right on the first try; maybe I’m not even getting close after 100 iterations.

    And that’s fine.

    There probably won’t be one post that captures it all.

    Maybe understanding emerges from whole of the 100 iterations instead?

    Sculpting away, day by day.

  • |

    #24 Put your actions where your mouth is

    ByLukas

    Here’s a useful insight from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:

    Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

    https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/june-4-2020

    Writing every day reaffirms my “I’m a writer” identity.

    Sitting on the couch every day reaffirms my “I’m a couch potato” identity.

    As a consequence: when you change your actions and your identity starts shifting to align with those actions.

    And that’s how we get out of a rut.

    (The opposite isn’t always true: changing your thoughts without changing your actions will rarely shift your identity. I can think of being a writer as much as I want, if I never put any words on paper, I’m not a writer. That’s one of the principle of cognitive dissonance: Actions overrule Thoughts.)

    Here’s how to change your actions and your identity:

    1. First, you decide who you want to be (and what your new identity looks like).
      “I want to be a yogi: someone who regularly practices yoga and takes care of his mind and body.”
    2. Second you get clear on what that would look like in your daily life: which actions you’ll take that are different from the ones you’re taking right now.
      “Instead of watching TV before, my “yogi identity” would do a daily yoga session.
    3. Third, you gain enough leverage over yourself to go against your current habits, and take those different action for a prolonged period of time.
      This is where most resistance comes up, because my old “couch potato identity” is fighting my “yogi” identity — and through my past actions, the couch potato has received WAY more votes than the yogi.
      So you need perseverance at this stage. Remember, every time you take those new actions, you’re voting for your new identity and new habits are taking roots.
    4. At some point, you reach a tipping point productivity experts call “habit escape velocity“: you now have so much momentum that you’re out of the sphere of influence of your old habits, and your new habits (and new identity) can take root.

    Which begs the question…

    Where are you saying you want to be a certain way, but you’re voting for something else through your daily actions?

    Lukas Van Vyve

    Put your money (or your actions) where your mouth is.

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    #242 The accomplishments that slipped away

    ByLukas

    Over the years, I’ve become quite skilled at letting present worries overshadow past triumphs.

    But what would it be like to let past triumphs overshadow present worries?

    And what would it be like to have present triumphs overshadow past worries?

    Maybe you know better than me, my friend. Or maybe it’s something you’d like to practice too.

    Here’s a journal prompt to get us started:

    What’s a forgotten accomplishment from your past that once filled you with pride but has since slipped away from your thoughts?

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