#475 Lukewarm dreams freeze to death
It’s not about figuring out where you’d like to end up – it’s about deciding where you must go.
Lukewarm dreams freeze to death unless you light the fire of desire under them.
It’s not about figuring out where you’d like to end up – it’s about deciding where you must go.
Lukewarm dreams freeze to death unless you light the fire of desire under them.
You build self-trust by taking actions – Tiny Trust Builders – in alignment with who you want to be.
I want to be a writer, and build self-trust by writing every day, even if it’s just one line.
I want to learn Portuguese, and build self-trust by practicing every day, even if it’s just 2 minutes.
But often, what stops you from taking these actions in the first place is a lack of trust in yourself.
I don’t trust myself to write every day – I’ll give up anyway.
I don’t trust myself to learn Portuguese every day – I’ll probably get busy and skip a day.
There’s only one way out of this vicious cycle:
When you don’t trust yourself to take the actions, you take a leap of faith instead.
Because with every leap, fear turns into faith, and faith into trust.
I could decide that writing less than 1000 words a day would be a failure – and I would be correct.
I could decide that writing more than 50 words a day would be a failure – and I would be correct.
I could decide that not writing today would be failure – and I would be correct.
After all, for many things in life, you get to decide yourself what’s failure and what’s success.
In fact, my friend, just like me you may have already decided for yourself what’s failure and what’s success.
And just like me, you may need a reminder of that decision once in a while, so you can verify if it still serves you.
This is that reminder.
Which serves me well, because my decision was that writing you this short daily letter is exactly right.
See you tomorrow.
The ideas that are hardest to write about are the ideas worth writing about.
The thoughts that are hardest to explain are the thoughts worth explaining.
The feelings that are hardest to express are the feelings worth expressing.
You can’t change the fact that winning makes you a winner and losing makes you a loser.
But you CAN:
What if, instead of only winning when you beat your opponent, to you, winning means giving it your all and putting your heart on the line?
What if, to you, winning doesn’t mean writing a bestselling book (which is out of your control anyway) but showing the discipline to write a book in the first place… a book that potentially could be a bestseller?
What if, to you, losing doesn’t mean suffering a defeat but giving in to your fear and never starting in the first place?
Make your own rules around winning and losing, and don’t make them too hard on yourself. It’s a simple and viable way to feel better every day.
Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.
They want the freedom to set their own constraints.
To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”
To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”
To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”
To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”
Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.
Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.
Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?
Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?
Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?
Pick your freedom battles.
When you decide if you should be chasing this goal, job, relationship, or place to live – in other words, commitment – you choose between action or inaction based on if it’s a viable, worthwhile, realistic goal.
When you decide on the course of action – in other words, how to do something – you’re already committed to action.
Sometimes, the commitment might be too big, too hard, or too disruptive – and that’s perfectly valid.
But here’s what I’ve noticed, my friend: whenever I try to decide on the how before I’ve decided on the commitment, I have even more doubts, and any course of action seems complicated.
I’m curious how you feel about it. We’ll talk more about it in the coming days and weeks.