#134 Losing makes you a loser – and that’s fine

ByLukas
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You can’t change the fact that winning makes you a winner and losing makes you a loser.

But you CAN:

  • stop caring about winning and losing in the first place; or
  • change your definition of winning and losing so winning becomes easier, and losing harder.

What if, instead of only winning when you beat your opponent, to you, winning means giving it your all and putting your heart on the line?

What if, to you, winning doesn’t mean writing a bestselling book (which is out of your control anyway) but showing the discipline to write a book in the first place… a book that potentially could be a bestseller?

What if, to you, losing doesn’t mean suffering a defeat but giving in to your fear and never starting in the first place?

Make your own rules around winning and losing, and don’t make them too hard on yourself. It’s a simple and viable way to feel better every day.

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    #260 Dancing circles around your gut

    ByLukas

    You’ll write the book until you start doubting if you have it in you to write it… then realize that the only way to find out is by actually writing the book.

    You’ll prepare for the marathon until you start doubting if you can finish it… then realize that the only way to find out is by actually running the marathon.

    You’ll build the business until you start doubting if this is a viable idea… then realize that the only way to find out is by actually building the business.

    No matter how much you dance circles, ignoring what your gut has been telling you, deep down, you know: this is where you should’ve gone all along.

  • | |

    #56 Action, traction, distraction

    ByLukas

    At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.

    If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.

    Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?

    I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.

    I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.

    And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)

    If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.

    The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.

    Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

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    #252 The Identity is the Outcome

    ByLukas

    The outcome is not the book.
    The outcome is not the marathon.
    The outcome is not the successful business.

    The outcome is not even the daily habit you form, even though they’re the stepping stones you need.

    The outcome is the embodiment of the changes we’ve internalized, the growth we’ve experienced, and the evolution we’ve undergone, allowing us to say, “This is what I now stand for. This is what I believe is possible.”

    The outcome is the identity.

    Maybe it’s less about “What do I want to achieve?” and more about “What do I want to believe?”

One Comment

  1. This is such a great insight for those who are naturally competitive and are afraid to try things because they are afraid they can’t win! That “must win” attitude can spoil an activity for the whole group. Thanks for saying it so clearly!!

    Reply

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