#134 Losing makes you a loser – and that’s fine

ByLukas
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You can’t change the fact that winning makes you a winner and losing makes you a loser.

But you CAN:

  • stop caring about winning and losing in the first place; or
  • change your definition of winning and losing so winning becomes easier, and losing harder.

What if, instead of only winning when you beat your opponent, to you, winning means giving it your all and putting your heart on the line?

What if, to you, winning doesn’t mean writing a bestselling book (which is out of your control anyway) but showing the discipline to write a book in the first place… a book that potentially could be a bestseller?

What if, to you, losing doesn’t mean suffering a defeat but giving in to your fear and never starting in the first place?

Make your own rules around winning and losing, and don’t make them too hard on yourself. It’s a simple and viable way to feel better every day.

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    #192 Your desired identity

    ByLukas

    Who you are and what you do consistently always coincide. After all, your repeated actions create your identity.

    But who you want to be and what you consistently do don’t usually coincide. Otherwise, you would already have become who you want to be.

    You want to be a writer, but you’re not consistently writing? Writing consistently will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

    You want to be a guitar player, but you’re not consistently playing the guitar? Practicing daily will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.

    Could you make your actions coincide with your desired identity?

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    #82 Choice Inflection and New Defaults

    ByLukas

    Once upon a time, I consciously chose to brush my teeth every day, until brushing my teeth became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT brushing my teeth.

    Once upon a time, during a pandemic, we consciously chose to wear face masks, until wearing face masks became the new default. Then the conscious choice we had to make was NOT wearing the face mask anymore.

    Once upon a time, I consciously chose to write every day, until writing became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT writing.

    Where else could I use a new default?

    Choice inflection.

  • | |

    #89 Don’t get it backwards

    ByLukas

    I’m not writing because I can’t write?
    I’m not playing the guitar because I’m bad at music?
    I’m not learning a language because I’m bad at learning languages?

    That’s the world on its head.

    The truth is: you can’t write because you’re not writing.
    You can’t play the guitar because you’re not playing the guitar.
    You can’t speak the language because you’re not learning the language.

    If you would write every day, cognitive dissonance starts doing its work. Your actions will overrule your thoughts and beliefs.

    And every day you write, you’re becoming a writer.

    Every day you play the guitar, you’re becoming a guitar player.

    Every day you learn a language, you’re becoming a language learner.

    The only reason you can’t do it because you’re not doing it.

    Don’t get it backwards.

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    #49 Moderate to get more

    ByLukas

    A neurotransmitter that once helped us evolve and motivated us to go out and explore the world now has us glued to screens and plates filled with sugary food.

    Dopamine tells us not just to eat, but to eat more.

    Not just to read a useful article, but click more headlines.

    Swipe through more videos and photos.

    Watch more episodes on Netflix.

    Yet, when I interrupt the dopamine reward loop and resist the need for more, I’m pulled back into the now, and strangely enough, I actually see more. Hear more. Feel more.

    Sometimes, to get more, you need to moderate.

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    #135 Violence in a flower garden

    ByLukas

    It’s easy to be non-violent when you’re in a flower garden

    Josh Waitzkin – The art of learning

    It’s easy to be kind to others when the world has always been kind to you.

    It’s easy to say you want to be a writer when you never really put yourself out there to prove it.

    To learn writing, I must confront the uncomfortable parts of writing – and learn not to respond by running away from it.

    To learn non-violence, I must confront violence – and learn not to respond with violence in return.

    To learn kindness, I must confront being hurt – and learn not to use that as an excuse to perpetuate the cycle of hurt.

    To build trust in myself, I must stay true to my values under difficult conditions.

One Comment

  1. This is such a great insight for those who are naturally competitive and are afraid to try things because they are afraid they can’t win! That “must win” attitude can spoil an activity for the whole group. Thanks for saying it so clearly!!

    Reply

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