#101 It’s all about the actions

ByLukas
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Achieving an outcome without the daily actions that lead to an identity shift is empty and unsustainable.

I may want to publish a book. But if someone writes the whole book without my input and I put my name on it in the end, do I deserve to call it my book?

I have a book. But I’m not a writer. And I’m not an author.

I may want to have a million dollars. But if tomorrow I win the lottery or receive a large inheritance without any action from my side, what does that mean?

I have a million dollars. But I’m not wealthy – and research suggests that without proper guidance, I’ll spend it all, ending up back at square one.

It works the other way around, too. You can blindly chase an outcome (or slip into bad habits) without considering how the actions you need to take to get there will change you as a person.

Depending on your actions to get there, chasing fame can make you happy – or very unhappy. Writing a book can make you happy or very unhappy. Building a hugely successful company can make you happy or very unhappy.

The value, satisfaction, and resentment are all in the actions, not the outcome.

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    #129 When the going gets tough

    ByLukas

    When I’m inspired, I write.

    When I’m over the moon, I write.

    When I’m frustrated, I write.

    When I’m sad, I write.

    When I’m angry, I write.

    When I’m so overwhelmed I don’t want to do anything at all, I write.

    Because when the tides of life get rough, a consistent practice is your life raft.

    Writing, running, yoga, music, walking, gardening, knitting, dancing, singing, surfing…

    You not only build trust in such habits and practices to achieve lofty goals but also – even more so – to fall back on when the going gets tough, and you need a beacon of stability to keep you afloat.

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    #207 Overgeneralization vs Undergeneralization

    ByLukas

    Overgeneralization: I failed to stick to a new habit once, so I’ll always give up.

    Undergeneralization: Even though I’ve been writing consistently for months, I’m still expecting the day I’ll finally give up again.

    Both are manifestations of self-sabotage and perpetuations of a negative self-image.

    The only way out: don’t focus on habits, focus on Tiny Trust Builders.

    Let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

    Let your actions overrule your thoughts.

    Let your actions change your identity.

    One day at a time.

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    #3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox

    ByLukas

    Starting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:

    Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”

    Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”

    Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”

    (Source: Eben Pagan)

    And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…

    Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.

    “Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”

    Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:

    Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.

    So… the questions I keep in mind today:

    • How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
    • What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?

    Taking it one step further:

    • What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?

    And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…

    “It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”

    Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
    And desire turns into despair
    When I suddenly see what I always had in me
    Who I could be
    Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
    I step back
    Look back
    Feel back
    And when at last I notice
    That day by day,
    I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
    I remind myself
    It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.

  • #281 How to know what to write and why

    ByLukas

    To know what you’re going to write, you have to begin writing.

    Similarly, to know why you’re writing, you have to begin writing.

    The lure towards writing is what sets you in motion.

    And so it goes for drawing. Singing. Building. Entrepreneurship. Creating. Meeting friends. Lovers. Life partners.

    The act itself is what reveals both the purpose and the shape.

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    #63 Completion vs Consistency: True Life Projects

    ByLukas

    Completion projects leads to restless rushing, an achievement, then a black hole. Indecision.

    I got the promotion. I wrote the book. I finished the degree. I built the house. I sold the business. Now who am I… and what’s next?

    Consistency projects lead to a change in habits and identity. Every day, I do what I believe to be true to who I am. As a result, every day, I’m becoming who I truly want to be.

    Consistency projects are true life projects, because they’re about taking daily actions and installing habits, never-ending until they come to their natural conclusion.

    I’ll write every day without ever thinking I’m writing my last words. Now I’m a writer… until one day, I feel: the season of writing is over.

    You’ll tend to gardens, plants, and trees every day without ever thinking this is the last flower you’ll hold in your hand… until one day, you feel: the season of tree-tending is over.

    We take care of our children from the moment they’re born, without thinking about letting them go. Now we’re caretakers… until one day, we feel: the season of caretaking is over.

    We’ll breathe every day, without ever thinking about breathing our last breath. Now we’re breathers… until one day, we feel: the season of breathing is over.

    Lukas Van Vyve

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