#15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

ByLukas
|

What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

  1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
  2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
    1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
    2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
    3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”

Similar Posts

  • | |

    #66 Scarcity is like pollution

    ByLukas

    Some days I have ten ideas to write about. Some days, zero.

    But when I lack ideas to write about, the ideas aren’t really gone. I’m in a scarcity state: my brain chemistry prevents me from accessing the insights.

    When I feel lonely, friends and family I can connect with aren’t really gone. I’m in a scarcity state: my brain chemistry prevents me from connecting with them.

    Scarcity is like pollution.

    When noise pollution of cars, planes and construction machines drown out the singing of the birds, the birds aren’t really gone. I just can’t hear them.

    When light pollution drowns out the stars, they’re not really gone. I just can’t see them.

    So how do I get out of scarcity? How do I reduce pollution?

    Here’s what works for me:

    Notice I’m in scarcity mode. Then move. Meditate. Do stream-of-consciousness journaling.

    Then find a place where I hear the birds.
    Find a place where I can see the stars.
    Write anyway.
    And connect with friends and family anyway.

  • #315 You don’t have a shot at getting results yet

    ByLukas

    Most habits are hard to stick to because they promise not only a positive lifestyle change but also instant results.

    But worrying about building a habit and getting results at the same time leads to frustration and, ultimately, failure – after all, when building a habit, showing up every day is already hard enough.

    First, you must learn to trust that you can show up every day, even if you don’t see improvement right away.

    Only then do you get a shot at getting results.

    The key is in the power of tiny actions, consistently taken.

  • #460 Why do the right thing?

    ByLukas

    Write, not for the words flowing on the page, but for how writing makes you feel.

    Run, not for the personal records, but for how running makes you feel.

    Help out friends, not for expecting them to return the favor, but for how helping out friends makes you feel.

    Do the right thing, not for any outer reward, but an inner feeling of aligning with who you want to be.

  • | |

    #140 I don’t have to be good at this today.

    ByLukas

    Trying to become good fast makes you impatient. And impatience may well stop you from ever becoming good in the first place.

    Because the only way to become good is by understanding that in today’s practice session, you likely won’t be perfect anyway.

    That you likely won’t write your most insightful words.

    That you likely won’t run an all-time best.

    That you’ll likely spend a large part of your yoga session stumbling and losing balance.

    When you go into your practice session with that mindset…

    Suddenly it makes sense to focus hard on getting that one sentence right.

    Now it makes sense to focus on rhythmic breathing while running instead of pushing for a better time.

    Now it makes sense to focus on a tiny part of your body during an entire yoga session to train your awareness instead of trying to chase poses because “they look professional.”

    Even if there is not much time to “become good,” it still makes sense to assume there is time.

    Because that gives you the freedom to focus on the small adjustments that prepare you for when the time comes, and you truly need to perform.

    Since I’m always practicing anyway, I don’t have to be good at this today.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *