If only you could pierce through the veil
See what’s on the other side
Which aspirations are pipe dream
Which ones you must pursue
If only certainty would be your share
If you’d know what, how, where
Would you really be happier?
Or would life lose it’s flair?
Maybe it’s not supposed to be easy.
Maybe it’s supposed to be challenging.
Challenging. So it can be fulfilling.
The moment you stop doing things for what they can give you, and start doing things for who you become through doing them, is the moment you get everything you ever wanted.
Lukas Van Vyve
I don’t write a blog post every day just to have a pile of posts on the blog.
I write because writing is what makes me a writer. And I enjoy being a writer very much.
The blog posts are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.
I don’t practice Stream Of Consciousness journaling every day to write beautiful prose, poems or have amazing insights.
I do it because it calms the mind. Because my life is better with it than without.
And because doing something for 700 days straight shows me that I, too, am becoming a disciplined person. And I enjoy being a disciplined person very much.
The occasional insights are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.
I don’t practice the guitar so I can show the world how well I play.
I play because it’s fun to practice something hard and feel a sense of improvement.
And because practicing the guitar makes me a musician. And I enjoy being a musician very much.
Being able to play a beautiful piece is just a by-product. Pleasant. But a byproduct.
There are by-products. And then there’s what matters.
If you wouldn’t see overwhelming results in your first 30 days of writing, working out, dieting, or learning an instrument, would you still show up?
Are you okay with small, almost invisible gains because the process of learning, creating, practicing is fulfilling enough in itself?
And if not, could you be okay with that, if you knew it was the key to learning or creating anything you ever wanted?
Unique value often lies in seemingly strange combinations.
The beekeeping lawyer.
The pro soccer player with an astrophysics degree.
The theologist waking up early every morning to go surfing.
The public servant spending their evenings performing at the local stand-up comedy bar.
The motorcycle repair shop owner writing philosophy books.
The chess champion with a Brazilian Ju-Jitsu black belt.
Societal pressure and expectations make such combinations unlikely. Out of the ordinary. Maybe even undesirable: an obstacle to conformity.
And if it’s undesirable, it becomes rare.
And here’s the twist: what’s rare usually becomes valuable.
Because there’s nothing incompatible about these combinations – in fact, the skills you practice may well complement each other in unique and valuable ways.
What could be an unexpected complement for your life?
Something you’re secretly interested in, but – according to society – doesn’t fit who you are (or who you’re supposed to be)?
Be here for the triumphs.
Be here for the losses.
Be here for the dreams.
Be here for the doubts.
Be here for the courage.
Be here for the fear.
Be here for the victory.
Be here for the defeat.
Be here for the laughter.
Be here for the tears.
Whatever you do
Whatever you fear
Be here.
Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.
But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.
Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.
When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.
And so the pressure mounts.
Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.
Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.
Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.
—
To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).
Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.
Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.
Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.
—
Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.
Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.
Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.
Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.
