#208 How to get out of your self-improvement prison

ByLukas
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You feel bad because you don’t write.

And when you write, you feel bad because you’re scared of the inevitable day you stop writing.

That’s how you create a self-improvement prison.

And that prison has only one way out.

Intend to do what’s good for you.

Then realize that even if you don’t live up to that standard all the time, you’re still worthy of self-love and self-trust.

Focus on intention, not outcome.

Focus on cultivating elastic discipline rather than on becoming a habit hardliner.

Focus on the general direction of your life, not a day-by-day judgment of your every action.

Maintain a majority vote for who you want to be.

Realize you’re not going to be perfect today – and being perfect isn’t the goal anyway.

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    #35 Why time speeds up and the world become blurry

    ByLukas

    The first hour after I was born, 60 minutes encapsulated my entire life outside the womb.

    An hour is an eternity.

    When I celebrated my first trip around the sun, one year encapsulated my entire life outside the womb.

    An hour is not that long anymore. But a year… that’s an eternity.

    When I’ll celebrate my 30th birthday next year, one year encapsulates about 1/30th of my experience in this body here on earth.

    A year is not that long anymore. But 30 years… that’s an eternity.

    Lukas Van Vyve

    There’s an absolute, immutable version of time, and then there’s our felt interpretation, which speeds up with every passing moment because we compare it to all the “time we’ve lived so far”.

    Maybe that’s why the older we get, the more effort it takes to stay in the present moment?

    Because, unlike a newborn child, for whom, compared to its short lifespan, an hour is an eternity, and every second is an opportunity to discover, drink in the world, explore…

    We’ve lived so many hours, minutes, and seconds that we don’t care anymore.

    with every passing year
    i’m more in a hurry
    and the days, minutes, seconds
    become ever more blurry

    i can live fast and miss out
    or slow down
    listen, look around
    be here, right now
    let the world whisper loud
    what life is all about

    and at last
    i hear you again.

    Lukas Van Vyve
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    #3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox

    ByLukas

    Starting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:

    Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”

    Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”

    Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”

    (Source: Eben Pagan)

    And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…

    Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.

    “Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”

    Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:

    Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.

    So… the questions I keep in mind today:

    • How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
    • What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?

    Taking it one step further:

    • What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?

    And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…

    “It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”

    Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
    And desire turns into despair
    When I suddenly see what I always had in me
    Who I could be
    Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
    I step back
    Look back
    Feel back
    And when at last I notice
    That day by day,
    I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
    I remind myself
    It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.

  • #157 Trust I must

    ByLukas

    When the going gets tough
    When I bite the dust
    Trust I must

    Trust I must
    That the purpose I feel inside
    The calling from which I can no longer hide
    Is a reliable guide

    Trust I must
    That the vision I hold dear
    Is enough to conquer my fear
    and persevere

    Trust I must
    That the words I say
    The actions I take every day
    Won’t lead me astray

    Trust I must
    That I am not alone
    And that this calling
    Will bring me home

    Trust I must
    Every day
    That this is the path
    This is my way

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    #225 Commitment comes first

    ByLukas

    When you decide if you should be chasing this goal, job, relationship, or place to live – in other words, commitment – you choose between action or inaction based on if it’s a viable, worthwhile, realistic goal.

    When you decide on the course of action – in other words, how to do something – you’re already committed to action.

    Sometimes, the commitment might be too big, too hard, or too disruptive – and that’s perfectly valid.

    But here’s what I’ve noticed, my friend: whenever I try to decide on the how before I’ve decided on the commitment, I have even more doubts, and any course of action seems complicated.

    I’m curious how you feel about it. We’ll talk more about it in the coming days and weeks.

  • |

    #34 Where else?

    ByLukas

    Regularly asking “Where else?” is one of the simplest ways to become more creative and generate innovative insights.

    Not only does this allow you to connect new insights with existing knowledge and experience, but it also invites you to imagine new use cases.

    • “Where else have I seen this (or something similar) before?”
    • “Where else does this apply (to my current knowledge)?”
    • “Where else might this apply (in contexts where I haven’t discovered it yet)?”

    Examples

    Harvard Medical School professor Herbert Benson suggests the neurotransmitter NO (Nitric Oxide) may be the catalyst for breakthroughs and “aha moments.”
    Where else have I seen this before? -> Pranayama/Yogic Breathing: Nasal breathing (and humming “om”) can increase nitric oxide production fifteen-fold. Humming your way to epiphanies might be worth a try.

    Learning a language by grouping words instead of reducing it to words and grammar. Where else does this apply? -> Conversation Based Chunking; learning series of digits by grouping them together;… See: chunking concept in cognitive psychology

    Uber made it possible for people to share/rent out their car.
    Where else might this apply? -> How about sharing/renting out your home? That’s how AirBnB was born.

    You don’t have to look elsewhere.
    See what’s already there, then ask…
    Where else?

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