#208 How to get out of your self-improvement prison

How likely is the scenario you’re worrying about?
And how impactful or life-threatening is that scenario?
Now, how much mental bandwidth is worrying about it taking up?
Are your worries proportionate to the actual danger?
Should you be worrying at all?
If not, could you stop right away?

Of course, you and I both know that’s not always how it works, my friend.

Because even if we know rationally that we shouldn’t worry, the worrier mind tends to scoff at answering rational questions.

Yet today, I had an insight: maybe those questions aren’t meant to dismiss the worrier mind at all but empower the sane mind, temporarily suppressed and overpowered?

Maybe they can provide enough encouragement to make the sane mind stand up for itself again and say, “Enough is enough.”

Maybe that way, the sane mind will put the worrier mind back in its place, reminding it of the only task where it truly shines: protect us from life-threatening risks.

Or maybe not. I don’t know, my friend. You’ve seen me: I’m just another human with good days and bad—productive days and lazy. Days of irrational fears and worry, and days of relaxing, dreaming, and visioning.

But this I do know: worrying too much has never improved my mood, and I doubt it has ever improved yours.

So if you’ve had an overactive worrier mind lately, trying won’t hurt.

Let me know how it goes.

I can say I want to run a marathon, write a book, or have a successful career – which doesn’t mean I’ll actually end up running a marathon, writing a book, or having a successful career.

But if I’m serious about it, it does mean I’ll take daily steps towards that goal – daily actions that will change my identity.

Can I live with the present-day implications of my uncertain future visions?

If I don’t know yet if I’ll ever write the book – will these daily actions still be fulfilling to me?

Will they make me happier?

Will I be happy with the person I become by taking such daily actions?

Do these daily actions contribute to a fulfilling emotional, mental, physical, and social life?

If not, am I willing to make emotional, mental, physical, or social sacrifices?

This is a choice everyone makes for themselves.

But I don’t want to make my present day miserable for an uncertain vision of the future I don’t even know will happen.

No one is bad at sticking to habits.

Because everyone’s day-to-day life is stitched together with recurring activities anyway, whether you consciously choose to do them or not.

Maybe you brush your teeth every day – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Maybe you wash your hands before every meal – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Maybe you shower every morning right after waking up – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Maybe you write every day – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Maybe you practice yoga three times a week – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Maybe you spend 10 minutes daily catching up with family, friends, acquaintances, or relatives you haven’t seen in a while – and that has become a non-negotiable.

Habits are habits.

And that has an interesting consequence:

If you can do that, you can also do this.

When I write, I write.
When I practice yoga, I practice yoga.
When I talk with friends, I talk with friends.

Or at least, I wish it were like that.

Because you and I both know how distracted the mind can be, my friend.

You don’t even need to meditate to figure that out.

So the mind needs a reminder once in a while.

“What’s truly important right now?”

I’ll be practicing every day.