#270 How to gain trust, acceptance, and comfort

ByLukas
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It’s hard not to trust someone who fully trusts themselves.

But it’s hard not to accept someone who fully accepts themselves.

It’s hard not to be at ease around someone fully at ease with themselves.

In other words: if you want others to trust, accept, and be at ease with you, first learn to trust, accept, and be at ease with yourself.

You don’t need anyone else for that – just some tiny daily actions that prove that trust, acceptance, and comfort to yourself.

Oh, and you could start with that today.

You don’t have to.

But you could. And if you could, why wouldn’t you?

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    #133 How to Get Irrefutable Proof of Progress

    ByLukas

    “Getting better” at something is not a linear process.

    You can practice every day and not see any progress.

    In fact, you can practice every day and notice deterioration.

    But it’s impossible to practice every day without building the self-trust that you have the discipline to practice every day.

    I might not have clear proof that I’m becoming a better writer, but I have irrefutable proof that I wrote today, yesterday, and the past 138 days.

    And because I write every day, the evidence is building that I am, in fact, a writer.

    As my actions shift my identity, the probability that I’ll keep writing increases.

    And as long as I keep writing, the probability of writing better work increases.

    Tiny Trust Builders are the only reliable proof of progress.

  • |

    #102 When dreams turn into certainties

    ByLukas

    Elon Musk has the rock-solid belief that someday, he’s going to put people on Mars. He doesn’t hope for it. He believes it’s inevitable.

    Whether his belief becomes a reality or not is irrelevant. What matters are the actions and grit his faith inspires in him and everyone working with him.

    That’s the rock-solid determination extraordinary feats are built on.

    But you don’t have to dream of interplanetary travel to reach stellar levels of determination.

    What would you do if writing a new book isn’t just optional or desirable but inevitable?

    What would you do if mastering an instrument isn’t just possible but inescapable?

    What happens when, in your mind, you turn a dream into a certainty?

    How does that change your actions? Mindset? Beliefs? Feelings?

    How much easier does it become to persevere?

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    #100 There are by-products. And then there’s what matters.

    ByLukas

    The moment you stop doing things for what they can give you, and start doing things for who you become through doing them, is the moment you get everything you ever wanted.

    Lukas Van Vyve

    I don’t write a blog post every day just to have a pile of posts on the blog.

    I write because writing is what makes me a writer. And I enjoy being a writer very much.

    The blog posts are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

    I don’t practice Stream Of Consciousness journaling every day to write beautiful prose, poems or have amazing insights.

    I do it because it calms the mind. Because my life is better with it than without.

    And because doing something for 700 days straight shows me that I, too, am becoming a disciplined person. And I enjoy being a disciplined person very much.

    The occasional insights are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

    I don’t practice the guitar so I can show the world how well I play.

    I play because it’s fun to practice something hard and feel a sense of improvement.

    And because practicing the guitar makes me a musician. And I enjoy being a musician very much.

    Being able to play a beautiful piece is just a by-product. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

    There are by-products. And then there’s what matters.

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    #97 Not loneliness. Solitude.

    ByLukas

    All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone

    Blaise Pascal, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/19682-all-of-humanity-s-problems-stem-from-man-s-inability-to-sit

    We often equate sitting quietly in a room alone with loneliness: a word with a negative emotional charge.

    But sitting quietly in a room can also bring solitude: the simple state of being by yourself, without any negative connotation.

    Solitude can give relief of the pressure to be constantly “socializing” (through social media apps or in real life).

    Relief of the pressure to socialize can make space.

    Space you can use to hear the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your body.

    Thoughts and feelings that can tell you what’s truly important to you.

    And then you realize that what’s truly important to you is nothing new.

    It’s something you already knew, before you learned not to listen.

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    #65 The Secret to Sticking to Your Habits

    ByLukas

    I don’t wake up every day in love with the prospect of writing a blog post.

    But I do love that part of my identity is that I publish something every day.

    By not publishing, I would lose that part of my identity and end up frustrated because I gave up something I enjoy. And that’s painful.

    So I write.

    The secret to sticking to your habits: make the pain of quitting bigger than the pain of getting over the resistance against doing what you know is good for you.

    Because the pain of discipline is always easier to bear than the pain of regret.

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