#206 How to always bounce back

ByLukas
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On the days when I feel like everything I write is bad, I choose to be a writer.

On the days when I feel like the most inspired writer, I choose to be a writer.

On the days when I need to skip a day because life gets in the way, I choose to be a writer.

On the days when I don’t feel like a writer, I choose to be a writer.

And especially on the days when I don’t write, I choose to be a writer by trusting that soon enough, I’ll write again.

I choose to be a writer, not through pressuring myself into hardliner habits but through my daily commitment to the general direction I want my life to take.

Focus on making the majority of your actions and decisions align with who you want to be.

When you do that, you’ll always bounce back.

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    #130 The perfect excuse

    ByLukas

    Perfectionism is the perfect excuse for not showing up.

    If you don’t publish because you’re waiting for the perfect blog post, you’ll hide behind your desk forever – because there’ll always be something you can improve.

    If you don’t go for a walk because you’re waiting for the perfect weather, you’ll be stuck forever inside – because there’ll always be a day with more sunshine or a nicer breeze.

    If you wait to live the life you desire until you have the perfect age, amount of money, degree, or partner, you’ll wait until it’s too late to enjoy your life in the first place.

    If you know things will never be perfect anyway, and you’re not allowed to wait until they’re perfect, or even until they’re “good enough”…

    What could you start doing today? What have you been putting off?

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    #126 Invisible ink tattooed on your mind

    ByLukas

    Every promise to yourself is a contract in invisible ink.

    Jo Franco on the Not Your Average Jo podcast. I recommend you listen to this episode

    But it’s not because it’s hidden from view that it doesn’t carry any weight.

    Every broken contract with yourself goes on the pile of self-distrust.

    So don’t overextend. Don’t make promises to yourself that you can’t keep anyway.

    Start with a tiny contract with yourself. Then stick to the terms.

    Build trust every day through Tiny Trust Builders.

    Remember that the contract is made, so now is not the time to negotiate.

    Retrace the letters of that invisible contract every single day.

    Then, one day, the invisible ink is tattooed on your mind, and you’ve forged an unbreakable bond between your words and actions.

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    #11 fixing a flawed faux finish

    ByLukas

    when the cracks in my faux finish
    finally appear
    my mind screams out
    you’re coming too near

    yet i resist the need to hide
    lean in to the fear
    let the cracks grow wide
    because after all these years
    slowly steadily submerged under layers of snow
    frozen frightened i don’t know where else to go

    i feel i’m sliding back into my head
    but you don’t let me
    instead
    you keep me here
    make even more light appear
    look at the fear
    until the icy flawed frozen faux finish finally fully melts away
    into a trembling torrent of tears

    and through the sobs
    subtle shining light teardrops
    mix mingle mend my mind
    my heart my soul a warmth so kind

    you guide my gaze and through the tears
    in my eyes a rainbow appears
    eclipsing the fear
    making it clear
    that when I dare to feel complete
    allow your heart and mine to meet

    i finally remember
    that I’m enough
    i’ve always been

    and at last
    i can be seen

    Lukas Van Vyve
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    #15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

    ByLukas

    What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

    To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

    The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

    How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

    1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
    2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
      1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
      2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
      3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”
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    #80 Replacing sensations with words

    ByLukas

    First I feel.

    Then I learn to categorize those feelings with words – until at some point, I don’t feel sensations anymore. I feel words.

    I say I’m angry – but what does being angry feel like again?

    I say I’m happy – but which sensations rush through my body?

    I say I’m sad – but does sadness always feel the same?

    With sensations comes nuance.

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